Emotional agility is all about being aware of your emotions and approaching each situation with an open and adaptive mindset. Dr. Susan David, a member of Thrive’s Scientific Advisory Board and the best-selling author of Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life, says emotional agility can make you more resilient and adaptive in difficult situations.

David also points out that men in particular are less likely to embrace emotional agility and more likely to bottle up their emotions. “The problem with bottling is that ignoring troubling emotions doesn’t get at the root of whatever is causing them,” she writes. “And research shows that attempting to minimize or ignore thoughts and emotions only serves to amplify them.”

Think about what would happen if you held a stack of books away from your body, with your arms out in front of you. David explains that you’d be okay for a few minutes, but then your muscles would begin to shake. “This is what happens when we bottle,” she explains. “Trying to keep things at a stiff arm’s length can be exhausting. So exhausting, in fact, that we often drop the load.”

If you’re not used to leaning into your emotions, starting small is key. Finding little ways to acknowledge what you’re feeling and learn to live with those emotions, instead of suppressing them, takes time. If you need some help getting started, here are some Microsteps to try:

Write down one thing that’s causing you stress.

Psychologists call this the “name it to tame it” strategy, where you label your thoughts and feelings as clearly as possible so that you can feel a better sense of control and understanding over what’s going on inside your mind. When we can label our emotions, we can start to gain control over them instead of feeling overwhelmed by them.
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Replace “but” with “and.”

For example, instead of saying to yourself, “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now, but I have to lead this meeting,” rephrase to “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now, and I have to lead this meeting.” That small word change can encourage self-compassion and emotional agility.
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Take a deep breath before answering a stressful email.

This works for texts and phone calls, too. Taking a moment to breathe allows you to identify what you’re feeling and where your stress is coming from. This way, you can pay attention to the emotions you’re experiencing and respond from a calmer place.
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Ask a teammate of yours for honest feedback.

An important part of emotional agility is being open to new ideas and perspectives. Asking a teammate you trust for feedback allows you to see yourself from a different point of view, which can help you grow.

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