Planting the seeds of generosity can start as early as the toddler years.

Raising kids who feel inclined to give, share, help, and be kind to others begins with modeling those behaviors ourselves — and teaching them that giving to others can be fun and rewarding. 

In his book Give and Take, bestselling author and organizational psychologist Adam Grant shares that in Italian schools, the eighth graders with the best grades weren’t the top scorers five years earlier — they were the ones rated most helpful. Other studies have shown that generosity and prosocial behavior in childhood are linked to stronger relationships and better mental health.

If you want to raise generous children, know that it starts small –– with everyday actions and reminders that ingrain in them the power of kindness. Here are three science-backed strategies to try, along with Microsteps to make giving back fun and joyful for your family:

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Give back as a family.

‍Find small ways to volunteer together on weekends or after school. Experts say that simply teaching your kids to think about how others feel can inspire them to be more generous people –– so make an effort to explain the impact of the work you’re doing and why giving back is important.
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Microsteps:

Volunteer for food drives, park cleanups or other family-friendly activities that you can participate in together.
Volunteering as a family can strengthen your relationship with your kids and teach them what’s important. 

Model kindness in action when you’re with your children, such as holding a door open, letting someone go ahead in line, or offering a compliment.

When children see their parents model kindness in everyday moments, they’re more likely to practice it themselves.

Raise a “giver,” not just someone who gives.

‍Children are more likely to internalize generosity as part of their identity when praised with nouns rather than verbs, For example, instead of saying, “Thank you for helping,” try, “Thank you for being a helper.” It’s a simple shift in language that reinforces a sense of identity and encourages kindness.
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Microsteps:

After your child helps, thank them for being a helper.
The small language tweak can help your child internalize their helping as part of their identity.

Create a “giver” jar in your home.
Each time your child shows generosity, write it down on a piece of paper and put it in the jar. Over time, rereading the notes together can reinforce their identity as someone who cares for others.

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Respond to unkind behavior with guidance, not shaming.

‍Shame just makes your children feel bad about themselves. But feeling sorry or guilty about misbehaving can help them learn from the experience. Help your child by naming the behavior (“It wasn’t kind to grab that toy”), acknowledge the impact, (“Your friend felt sad when you did that”), and then encourage your child to repair their mistake (“What could you do to make it right?”).
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Microsteps:

Use “what” questions instead of “why” questions when your child misbehaves.
Asking, “What do you think happened?” instead of “Why did you do that?” can help them reflect on what they did without shaming them.

If your child is unkind toward someone, gently encourage a kind action, like apologizing or drawing a picture to say they are sorry.Helping them repair the relationship can encourage them to build empathy instead of feeling shameful about what they did.