For me it all started in middle school. My somewhat normal, suburban Sacramento everyday existence of riding bikes and reading fairy tales shattered as I entered seventh grade. The world suddenly became a kind of emotional war ground dominated by girls with sling blade words. You've heard of queen bees and wannabes? Well, I was a wannabe of the first order. You would never have known it to look at me. I was smart, pretty and even became a cheerleader, but every day I lived in horror of entering the classroom. These cool girls seemed so hip, so carelessly confidant...so unafraid. Obviously, they were just being adolescents with their own wounds, fears and false bravado. But for decades, strong, confident, seemingly fearless women were the bane of my existence and had far more power over me than men (except for one period with self- destructive men who needed saving, but that is a different story). 

For those of us who are a bit shy, introverted and hate confrontation encountering gusty females like Arianna Huffington and Nora Ephron can stir up all these old traumas. How brave are these women who say what they want and stand up for it without a worry or care. Where do their guts come from? Aren't they afraid they will get killed, or worse, badmouthed? 

When I became engaged to Norman twenty-one years ago I entered a new world- not unlike my experience with middle school. My relatively safe, quiet, social life morphed into this sophisticated new world amidst these incredibly accomplished people, more than a few of who were ballsy ladies. One of my most vivid memories was a party given for us in Manhattan. I was the only one wearing baby pink in a crowd of chic black and navy. The room was filled with literary figures, famous journalists, business tycoons and society couples. I will never forget Nora getting up to toast us. With smooth confidence, humor and charisma, Nora dazzled as she worked the room congratulating us, telling my fiancé to make sure he got a pre-marital agreement this time, making jokes and waxing poetic about latter day romance. My immediate thought was "Oh my god! She's so fearless!" 

In those days I was in awe of everyone and everything, but especially of Nora. I read her books and articles, and watched her film career with fascination. She had, then as now, a rare ability to zing pungent comments into the air with amazing accuracy and purpose. As couple friends, we saw a lot of each other in New York, Vermont and the Hamptons. The only trouble was Nora terrified me. Not that she gave me any reason to be frightened. She was always warm, friendly and helpful. But around her my own insecurities left me feeling like a twelve year old again, mired in the sort of awkward adolescence that I was certain never plagued the younger Nora. 

It's ironic that her new bestseller, "I Feel Bad About My Neck", is Nora's own quest to maintain confidence and wisdom while laughingly enduring the indignity of aging; a hilarious personal account which is truly vintage Ephron (pun intended) and one that resonates with all females, the shy as well as the brazen. Nora loves to give advice; even to people she barely knows. If you are fortunate to get advise from Nora, you should always listen. My favorite chapter is called, "What I Wish I'd Known". I won't tell you what she says because you should buy the book. But I wish I had known if strong- minded, petite Jewish women had any idea how intimidating they could be to tall, blond shiksas. Perhaps I should ask 80% of my closest friends. 

Arianna, who is neither petite nor Jewish, never frightened me, but I was suspicious of her at first. I met Arianna Huffington over ten years ago when she was a Gingrich-esque conservative interviewing my left wing husband for a TV show. Despite misgivings, we accepted an invitation to a party at her home in Washington DC. The guests ranged from hard-core neocons to liberal journalists, where, inevitably, we found ourselves in a discussion about religion and politics that became a philosophical duel and ended uncomfortably. Knowing her as well as I do now I realize she was trying to help us find common ground, but at the time no one knew what to make of her. Arianna did intimidate me in another way. Here was an intellectual who was the first woman leader of the Oxford debating team. She'd dated Bernard Levin. I went to Cal State Universities, broke out in spots if I had to speak and dated Eddie Fisher. Besides, with Charles Krauthammer and Andrew Sullivan as friends Arianna could eat a liberal alive. Or so I thought until she moved to LA. 

You could feel a seismic shift happen in the San Andreas Fault when Arianna came to town. One morning when I took my son to his first day of school at Crossroads, a well- known progressive arts school in Santa Monica, I was shocked to see she had enrolled her two young girls in this bastion of hot bed liberalism. However, I'll never forget Arianna, her mother, Elli, and sister, Agape, greeting me with such genuine warmth that the whole family soon charmed me. Later, on long hikes Arianna and I discovered we had a spiritual as well as political bond that is still the center point of our relationship. 

Over the last ten years I've watched our Hollywood Athena become a fierce critic of Republicans as well as Democrats, mesmerize audiences, shoot from the hip on television, run for Governor, create the widely-respected Huffington Post, all while being a terrific mother and maintaining close friendships. She does this with seeming effortlessness. FOA's describe friendship with her to falling in a tub of butter. Meaning she is easy, nurturing and enriching to those around her. Ever a ferocious warrior woman on the ideals she holds dear, she also puts equal thought, energy and humor into practicing what she preaches. When I read the galleys of her latest book, "On Becoming Fearless", I felt it was written especially for me. I wished I had been able to read it when I was so young and vulnerable. This book is a gift for her daughters, our daughters and all of us. 

Being fearless really means summoning passion for the things inside yourself and those in the outside world that you believe are worth fighting for. Goethe phrased it more dryly when he said, "At the moment of commitment the entire universe conspires to assure your success". Nora and Arianna are two committed, successful women. Whether they use humor, anger, caustic wit or sweetness, they say it as they see it with aplomb. We all need to have role models and friends who show us how to wrap our arms around our own personal sense of truth, embrace it, own it and express it. I'm blessed to have many such friends. I've grown to a point now that I'm rarely afraid of anything or anyone, even Nora. The only thing that terrifies me now is my neck.

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This post was originally published on Huffpost.com on Oct 1, 2006