We have been taught over the years that money is the root cause of all evil. Right? Well … I do not think that holds fully true at this day and age. My opinion is different. From my experience over the years, I feel insecurity is the root cause of all evil.
Sounds strange? Well … read on …
Few incidents did happen in my life wherein I observed the behaviour patterns of people. Out of those people, a handful of them came across as very secure – financially, emotionally or both while the rest were highly insecure about their future which resulted in them turning into negative characters.
Let me give you a few examples regarding both types of people – the highly secure and insecure ones.
There lived an elderly lady across the street. I am not sure if she was well-educated or not considering how the system was in her generation. However, she was a powerhouse of knowledge and a very active person till her last breath. There was a certain glow in her face reflecting her deep understanding of life. Whenever we visited her, she spoke to us with genuine affection, enquired about us and also made sure that she prepared a steaming tumbler full of amazing filter coffee. Each time, she would also give us a pearl of wisdom from her knowledge and vast experience.
She had a habit of keeping the front door of her house wide open. Inside, there were a lot of gold medals which her husband won in various competitions, her own prizes which she herself won in various other competitions too. Out of surprise, we asked her “Are you not scared of burglars? They might steal your stuff and harm you in the process!” She replied with a knowing smile – “Whatever is ours will remain with us, the rest goes …” Trust me! No burglary ever happened when she was alive! The point here is that she felt so secure about her life and she trusted it so much that she was not afraid of any situation.
While this is an example of someone who was emotionally secure, let me give you an example of the other kind. One lady (let’s call her Lata) who happened to be a part of my family was uneducated – she failed to complete her education. As a result of this, she was married at a very early age and traversed the family path. Her husband was not financially well-off and this lady was extremely lazy. She did not even have the will to support her husband.
Now, Lata’s brother was intelligent and he went on to become a professional. He earned well too. While all this was going on, the whole family basked in his success. Then came the moment when he married an equally intelligent lady who also happened to be a professional. Now, the equation in that house changed altogether. Comparison started between Lata and the new member of the family. Lata started feeling extremely insecure about her own future. She was incapable of being independent financially, extremely lazy and also jealous of others who succeeded. Instead of working on securing her own life, she got into the negative loop of comparison which only made her feel more insecure day by day. Her negativity affected the new member of the family deeply. You know, when one apple is spoilt it is bound to spoil the others in the basket too.
Now, like I mentioned earlier money may not be the root cause of all evil but insecurity definitely is. It looks as though money is the culprit but dig deeper and you will be surprised to discover that the actual culprit is insecurity and trust me, it is not very easy to find out …
Let’s go deeper into this … I would like to focus on two areas as below …
This generally stems from the fact that you may have certain fears which are haunting you. You might not even be aware of it at times and may constantly be reacting to situations in a negative manner.
What I would suggest is … check your own behaviour pattern to identify whether you are the one who is actually feeling insecure and what for – is it about money, family support, not having control over your emotions and so on. Are you reacting negatively – showing frustration constantly, getting angry at the drop of a hat, feeling jealous about other’s success and so on …
The reason I am asking to check out your own behaviour pattern is that you are your best judge. Others may not know you as well as you do. I can only point out flaws in my own behaviour, if any and not others.
Chances are … you might suddenly realize that “Yes … I am actually feeling insecure. How did I not know about it earlier? Why was I blind to his behaviour pattern of mine?”. If you have felt so, then great! You are already on the path of self-improvement. Don’t worry and beat yourself for it. As I mentioned earlier, it is very difficult to find out. Only a handful of people who are keen about your welfare will point it out. The rest won’t as this is a golden opportunity for them to play with your insecurity and you will end up becoming a puppet in their hands.
Now that you are aware about your situation, start working backwards …
All the above steps will help you propel yourself to not just beat insecurity but also sky-rocket your enthusiasm and progress in life.
This brilliant article by Melanie Greenberg focuses on more reasons why people are generally insecure and how to overcome the same.
If this is so, I would say … please be far from them! They can drain your life’s energy itself. Now again, there are two types – being ignorant of their insecurity (like in the above part) and keeping their insecurity itself as a trump card. This section is about the latter type.
The reason why I am telling you to be far from highly insecure people is this … such people often choose the negative path. Instead of choosing the attitude “Live and let live”, they go for “If I die, he/she should also die!”
They do not understand that struggles are a part of everyone’s life and they must be 100% responsible in taking their life progress in their own hands.
Nothing is totally secure in anyone’s life. Our lives themselves are not … forget about the various factors attributing to it. Just a couple of days back, myself and my dad were almost run over by a rashly driven bus – thanks to the autowala who wanted to overtake that bus! Hideous … Right? But, here I am … writing about why it’s important not to be insecure … J That’s life! You cannot predict what might happen next. It’s more important to live in the moment and let others live too.
When you are hard-working, confident about yourself, keen on improving areas which need work, humble enough to accept your flaws you will be on the brighter side. Your insecurity gradually melts away.
Now, be choosy while you are keeping away habitual insecurity-builders. Yes … do not mistake people who are going through tough challenges and momentarily feeling insecure. That’s just a phase and they will surely bounce back to normal and traverse on the path to the extra-ordinary too in a few cases.
People who are in the darkest phase of their lives but still strongly believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel will never be a threat to your own happiness.
Also, make sure that you do not go to the other extreme “I don’t depend on anyone in this world” attitude. Be humble and value those who help you. Try to help others as much as possible. No man/woman is an island.
And about those who purposely choose not to help you – …. You obviously know where the dustbin in your house is … like that, put it in your mind’s dustbin. You don’t have to bother about insensitive people.
This article by Susan Kraus Whitbourne throws more light on how to manage insecure people.
Think about all these. These are just a few of my thoughts which I felt might help you like it is helping me. Feel free to add some of your valuable thoughts and perceptions too. You never know whom it might help!
Insecurity, not money is the root cause of all evil. Money is just one of the factors. There is a lot more other than that!
Authored by Sushma Krishnan,
Co-Founder, High Performance Alchemy
Originally published at satishrao.in