“You told people on the offshore that I broke my tooth on the ride, huh?”
That one message in my chat window and I resigned from the friendship I was dragging and tolerating.
She was a few years elder; we joined the same corporate training batch. Coincidently, we belonged to the same town (Yes, I’m a small-town girl 😊).
I found in her a nurturing person. For a child-like ME those days, she was a stark contrast—placid, ready to absorb my worries with her ideas and advice. Within 2 years, I labeled her as an elder sista.
Friends Are Like This
Another calm friend made a significant place in my life because of her wits and amiability. She still is my true friend; let me call her K.
K highlighted some incidents when the sista insulted me. We used to call my not-so-polite-sista as Rukmani after her face-off (no offense against the name, there was a story behind it).
Identify the Early Signs of Toxicity
Rukmani left no chance of mocking at me, oh, but that was in a jolly mood, no? Pretty much fun for her. The self-proclaimed nerd took my advantage right at the wrong moments, but wasn’t I living only to survive demeaning friends, oddly to an extent where I needed to take their remarks in spirits without having a say whatsoever. Gosh, those were such terrible days; I couldn’t reckon her acts.
Under the veil of a pampering mother-like friend, she was actually using me as her punching bag. K was kind enough to act as an undercover agent and highlighted her gaslighting style.
Decide Sooner to Let Go Before Breaks Yourself Emotionally
The final nail in the friendship’s coffin was when she blamed me of socializing the news about her broken tooth to the teams sitting at offshore. But I was as innocent as Mary’s little lamb.
I took on her bluntly this time. She was spread-eagled at my direct reply. Thus, I bade goodbye to a toxic friend’s false friendship.
Now that you have decided to let go of a venomous friend, you should try keeping your sanity intact.
Find a Springboard
Well, aren’t we social animals?
We need to lean at a few shoulders when we want to mourn, share, or cry.
Bidding adieu to the toxic pal was insufficient. Being an overthinker, I analyzed too much about what and why rather than burying the past. K helped me descend the coffin of that bitter and stale friendship deep into the ground. She acted as my springboard to stand straight and let go of an acid spilling friend.
Any dear one can be your leaning shoulder. But please, don’t suffer alone.
KonMari-ing your relationships is another process people invest themselves in.
Avoid Crossroads at Social Media
Now you would deny: why avoid, it wasn’t your mistake. Agree, totally agree.
But aren’t we trying to intact your sanity here?
When you don’t like talking to someone, you better stay away virtually too. What good is it going to do to your emotional stature when you meet the toxic person often? The dormant pain inside your heart will only twist you.
So e-bypass them.
I had not seen her digitally for at least a good 5 years. Last Christmas, I met another pal from 15 years who informed about Rukmani’s whereabouts.
But Please Don’t Spill the Beans Around
Agree, you are emotionally unstable, but that doesn’t give you the license to badmouth about your estranged friend.
When we dissolve a relationship, the mutual friends feel the heat too. While it is nearly impossible to save them from scathing in a sour marriage or a bitter blood relation, it is possible to protect them from the bitterness of a diluted friendship.
Except for 2-3 friends, I never felt the need to talk about this dilution with anyone. It might as well spoil your goodwill.
And Don’t Dishearten Yourself
When I severed my ties with Rukmani, it jolted me out of a good mood for days. The bitter taste lingered so much that nothing appeared palatable. Only the continental borders between us mellowed down the bitterness, otherwise recuperating was slow and tiring.
The aftermath turned pretty sour since I garnered a solid blotched name among the peers due to a broken tooth. The sotto voce of the people made me conscious. But I never explained myself—I was Mary’s lamb, remember?
Did you see the effects of strangulating a noxious friendship? You don’t need to dishearten yourself, however good the bond was. Now that it has turned sour accept it and move on. You will find amazing friends as I did.
When you lose someone, there is a lot to deal with emotionally. But when you get over an acidic friendship, you learn lessons of a lifetime. It is better to maintain an emotional balance for your greater good. Find yourself an enriching hobby to divert attention—needless to say, yeah? Most of all, make more friends without apprehensions and cherish the institution of close alliances.