Are you dreading a big upcoming birthday because you’re “still” single or recently single? As someone who’s gone through both, I’m here to share some perspective on how you can enjoy it and actually LOVE this time of your life. Five years ago, reading this sentence would have caused me great skepticism. If you’re curious, read on.
I turned 50 this spring and like Oprah when she turned 50, I can’t say enough about how fabulous it feels. Really! On my birthday weekend away with my girlfriends (most in their early 40‘s, married with kids) I said farewell to what I called my ‘Surviving 40’s’ and embraced my upcoming ‘Thriving 50’s’.
I’m single and essentially have been for 9 years since my marriage abruptly ended in 2008. Since then I’ve had short relationships and temporary entanglements but nothing that’s stuck or been the right fit at the right time. I still struggle with trusting someone again with my heart. But now that I’ve worked through all the pain and suffering that came with my ex-husband’s departure, I can see it for the gift it actually was. I have grown. Oh boy, have I grown! I have learned so much and I have changed. Or maybe I have changed back into the person I was before my marriage. Either way, I’m feeling groovy and for me to be able to truly get behind that statement and honestly say that I feel amazing about myself, is huge! My therapist and my girlfriends can attest to how crapola I felt about myself for a long time and how stuck I was for years.
Recently, a few of my close girlfriends have gotten out of long term relationships and as expected, are navigating what it’s like to be newly single again. First there’s that shock that it’s ended or maybe relief that the arguing has stopped. Next there’s that hopeful feeling that creeps in on Friday or Saturday night that gets you wondering, is he still thinking about me as much as I’m thinking about him? Then there’s the realization that things really aren’t going to work out after all because he’s not ready to commit, move forward, change, insert situation here.
What I’ve observed is, just like my clutter clients who hang onto their stuff, my friends are having trouble letting go. Now I wasted years of my life not letting go. I hung on to hope, then anger, and then landed in depression. Dear reader, I don’t want you to waste years and that’s why it’s important for me to write this.
I’m passionate about inspiring women to find peace and beauty in their hearts and homes. To me, they go hand in hand. Our homes are a reflection of how we are feeling about ourselves and our stuff holds energy. So if you’re having trouble letting go of past relationships or your grandmother’s heirlooms, I’m here to share with you that it feels SO good to let it go. If it’s zapping you of your precious energy, let it go. If it makes you feel sad, let it go. If it reminds you of old so and so and that’s keeping you stuck, let it go. The unexpected gifts will start to appear in the space that you’ve made.
Single and Thriving
One of my most favorite songs to belt out is from the musical ‘Sunday in the Park with George’ by Stephen Sondheim, who’s famous for writing incredible lyrics and music. For those of you don’t know me, in my past life, I was a professional singer, actor, and dancer in musical theatre. I’ve always wanted to play the lead role of Dot in this fabulous show. Near the end, she sings a moving duet with George who’s struggling with inspiration in his art. He’s stuck and in despair. She sings,
Stop worrying where you’re going – Move on
If you can know where you’re going
Just keep moving on
Look at what you want, not at where you are, not at what you’ll be…Move on
As a Clutter Coach, it’s not my job to prescribe a solution. I can share with you that it took me two years to even consider therapy. I felt ashamed, broken and unlovable. My wonderful therapist, Larry, said in my first session, “Think of therapy as going to university to get a degree in the ‘youness’ of you.” What a gift that was. He gave me permission to move forward. The pain was in staying stuck. If you’re stuck, what can you do to seek some assistance? What do you feel you can let go of? Start small. Then celebrate the win and keep going. And start imagining how fantastic it will be to be able to say with honesty and conviction, I’m amazing, I’m accept myself and I love and know who I am whether I’m in a relationship or single. Whether you’re turning 25 or turning 50, step by step and with support, I can attest, that you can do it and it’s fabulous on the other side!!
PS – I wrote this in the spring. In the summer I met the man that I had been searching for for all these years. I relocated in the winter and we’re joyously happy! Who knew!?!
JOIN Kim’s free Facebook Group, ‘CLUTTER BUSTERS by Kim Sneath’, where you’ll get a supportive tribe of women going through exactly the same tough decisions with their clutter. Kim keeps things focused and fun. Come see how you can transform your space, so you can transform your life!