It is imperative that you never accept less than your worth, and always and unapologetically seek what is best for you. In order to determine your worth, consult your higher self—your deepest inner truth—and ignore public opinion.
Your higher self—your conscience or soul—is the part of you that provides answers to the deepest questions pertaining to self-worth. It is the part of you that exists past the constant chatter and superficial niceties. Your higher self will support you when no one else will.
I particularly like Lisa McDonald’s advice to ‘be your own shero, be your own hero.’ In order to authentically pursue that which you were always meant to be—and strip away everything that is false, misleading, and prevents you from moving forward—there will, necessarily, be times when you’ll experience loneliness, when you’ll need to love and promote yourself. These moments will be difficult, but you’ll get through them. I guarantee this because it happened this way for me.
Furthermore, as a believer, let me assure you that you are not alone; God is presently with you in the process. You are being helped.
I have recently been learning how to seek what’s best for me and not settle for less. The two factors that help me achieve this personally are:
Focus has to do with focusing on activities I’m passionate about; and clarity is about being clear with myself—about what I desire—and clear with others when communicating my desires.
If you’re doing many things, scattered and unsure about what to focus on, write down a list of all of your activities and beside each item indicate how passionate you are about it. You will quickly realize which activities are most important to you and be able to rank your activities accordingly.
Honesty—with self and others— is a key factor in being able to see clearly, prioritize and focus.
As you do this—and it’s an ongoing process—you’ll learn to make adjustments to your list based on changes. Life is all about change and changes will affect how you prioritize your activities.
Along the way, you will be tempted to ‘cave in’ and accept a lesser value or values instead of patiently waiting for what you want and know you deserve: your worth. Don’t do it. If you settle for less, you’ll feel badly and it will slow you down from reaching your highest potential.
The reason it can be so difficult to determine and stand by our worth (this applies especially to women) is because we fear how this will affect others’ perceptions of us. We instinctively understand that pursuing the path that we were always meant to walk on—what’s best for us—will trigger emotions in others (e.g., envy) and, in turn, engender negative reactions.
I may not be getting the wording exactly right, but Oprah Winfrey described this as people ‘pecking’ you to death with tiny jibes.
Enough ‘pecks’ and you will start to bleed. This happens because people recognize that you are fearlessly moving into your right, something they’d like to do; know they can do; but lack the motivation or courage to actually do.
If you can coolly ignore these psychological processes; drop inappropriate feelings of guilt; and continue to love and value yourself and insist upon maintaining your worth, then you will attain what is best for you. Your attitude will help others who genuinely want to do the same.
You will become a role model to those who choose emancipation over convention; growth over stagnation; and excellence over mediocrity. In order to be able to coolly rise above indignities and ‘pecking,’ you’ll need to learn to emanate transcendental ruthlessness. I wrote about this in a publication for Thrive Global called The Machine.
One of the most beautiful truths is that those whom you think may disparage your attempts to ‘shine’ in petty ways are mere ‘paper tigers.’ They loom large in your mind only to be deflated by ‘surgical’ analysis. Those who ‘peck at’ or suddenly ignore you are insecure at best, shadows of themselves, and base their existence on falsehood. They appear important in the eyes of society, but when you dig a little, you quickly understand that it’s all a façade.
Your choices will never be theirs. That’s because you are genuine—and genuinely interested in seeking what’s best for you.