Have you heard of Jay Shetty? For everyone who hasn’t, he introduces himself as a host, storyteller, video maker, former monk, and is one of Forbes 30 Under 30. His videos have over a billion views and his mission is to make wisdom go viral. His story is fascinating! If you look at him, you wouldn’t think that he has been to India for three years living as a monk. A real monk, not trying it out for a while. He became a monk. His intention was not only to become a monk but also stay a monk, until life changed, and he found a new purpose in life. Sharing everything he learned studying behavioral science and during his time as a monk with the world. Making wisdom go viral. There is so much more to tell about him. Here is a link to an interview, that will give you an idea of who he is and what impact he wants to make in the world.
Detachment doesn’t mean to no own anything. It means nothing owns you.
This is one of his favorite quotes. I heard it before but the other day, while watching another interview with Jay, it really stuck with me. Many people think of detachment as something negative. For some it sounds like disconnection or missing out on something, which it truly isn’t. One could rather say it is a way of being objective, open-minded, flexible.
We live in a world where judgement and comparison are a natural part of the way we interact with each other and live our lives. We fear being judged, and therefore getting dismissed by others. Many people focus so much on their flaws, or what people perceive as flaws or weaknesses, that it becomes part of their life. The fear of being rejected or judged is an instinct deep within every one of us. We all want to belong. Belonging secures our survival. We can’t survive alone. This instinct gets triggered a lot in our days. It becomes predominant in people’s lives to a point where many of their decisions is based on the fear of not belonging. People want to make sure they get accepted by the people around them. But what if this desire to belonging gets out of balance? This is when the fear or not belonging owns people.
They no longer make decisions based on what their heart is telling them but based on what their mind tells them after evaluating how other people will react to them.
Deciding to wear an outfit because they think, that other people will think that they look good. Getting a job because they think other people will think that this is a good job. Looking for a partner according to what other people will think about them, when they are seen with them. Quitting a partnership or friendship because they think, other people think this is not a good connection. Let’s become very mindful with the word think. People often make the decisions based on what they think, that other people think, without knowing it for sure or the others ever having said that. Isn’t that first confusing and second irritating? Why would someone choose their partner based on what other people think? Why taking a job, just or mainly because other people will think positively about us? Why quitting a relationship to someone else because we think that other people might judge it?
The truth is, many of us have done something like this before. As I said in the beginning, it is so anchored in our society, that we are often not really aware of what we are doing. We simply learned that this is the right way to do it.
Do you know someone who has a job because they think their parents or partners would not accept the job they are really passionate about? Maybe you choose a job because you thought this is what “you need to do” because this is the way you learned it, and this is what is expected from you? But what is their/your heart telling them/you?
Endless people had a dream but never even started to make it come true because they thought they were too inexperienced/young/old – you name it! People much more often talk about their weaknesses instead of their strengths. We all have both. And considering all the things that are out there, we have more weaknesses than strengths. Even people who are very good at a lot of things. There is no need for perfection. In fact, perfection in itself means perfecting something that already exists. If we don’t start something, it doesn’t exist yet and it simply can’t be perfect.
So many people have made mistakes, been through times they are not proud of. And yet it is a part of them. It brought them where they are today. Every day we get the chance to continue our story and we can change directions completely if we want to. Hiding or ignoring our past, flaws, weaknesses won’t work out long-term. They are part of us. Hiding those kinds of things actually makes us weak in the present. When we own our whole story, with all the things we think are negative, no one can hurt us with those things.
There is a great example of owning your story of two people. He used to be a drug-dealer, he went to prison, he was in real trouble when he was younger. By the time they met, he was about to get this PHD in psychology, super successful and someone you would not except to have such a history. How would you react when you meet someone, you get along very well and then he/she tells you they had a wild past with drugs, addiction, prison and so on? Changing perspectives, what would you do if you’d be the guy? Would you tell her right away or hide this part as long as possible This is a hard decision, when you don’t own your story. He did own his story. He told her about his past and wanted to let her know that he wants to be open and honest about who he is before she would get to know him any further. Today they, Sophie and Adi Jaffe, are married and have three kids. He is successfully working with addiction patients, she runs her own superfood business and as I said, they have a beautiful family. They go deep about this story in their podcast, in case you want to know more click here.
He says it was scary to tell her, obviously being aware of the fact that this information might have scared her off. But at the same time, it was the most liberating feeling because he wouldn’t have anything to hide from here. People judge, people try to hurt us sometimes. But all their judgment loses its power over us, the second we own ourselves, know who we are and accept ourselves fully.
No matter how bad you think your past is or how much you fear your weaknesses or whatever it is. The second you own your story, yourself, every part of it – nothing owns you anymore. You become unstoppable, stronger than ever before and you will feel more liberated than ever before. Owning your life, is your ticket to do whatever your heart desires to do. We face enough challenges and struggles in our lives. Why do you want to hold on to something additionally? Let go of all the extra weight and use this energy to focus on what you really want to have in your life.