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One Honest Conversation That Can Break Your Chain Of Toxic Relationships

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” ― Oscar Wilde

Depending on the degree of damage done, one toxic relationship has the potential to cause a life-long scar and lead to emotional or psychiatric problems in the future. If you notice a trend of toxicity in your relationship history, you may need to pay some meaningful attention to the overall state of your health.

A research carried out on the effect of personal relationships on an individual’s risk for developing a heart disease revealed that people in negative personal relationships were at a greater risk of a cardiac event, including a fatal cardiac event, than their counterparts whose close relationships were not negative.

The same research showed that people who were more likely to fall victims of toxic relationships are women and those with a lower social standing. Though there are various reasons why people end up in toxic relationships, a basic and recurring reason is an unhealthy estimation of oneself.

If you continually base your self-assessment and value on your social standing, societal expectations and other external variables, you will often feel inadequate and therefore permit others to feed off your weaknesses.

While it is usually difficult to break free from harmful relationships, some of the victims who do, end up repeating the cycle of toxicity in subsequent relationships. To break free from this pattern of damaging relationships, you must have an honest and life-changing conversation with yourself. Here is some advice on the way such a conversation should go:

Acknowledge the Toxicity

Ask yourself basic and honest questions which will reveal the true state of your current or past relationships. You may have experienced one or more types of toxicity in your relationship. Refuse to live in denial of the fact. Supportive and trust worthy friends could really be of immense help in objectively analyzing your relationships. Also, be truthful about the degree of damage you experienced – how much does it hurt? This will guide you in making further decisions such as staying off dating for a while, seeing a therapist and so on.

Take Responsibility

Being through several toxic relationships leaves us feeling like victims but the truth is; despite the fact that you might have come in contact with some really bad and unhealthy people, one constant variable in all those relationships was you. There might have been a part you unwillingly played in that cycle which you will discover if you think deeply enough. Are you overly nice and compliant? Are you a people pleaser? Until they are addressed, these traits might keep attracting toxic and controlling people to you. Be true to yourself about who you are, how your experiences have shaped you and how you can improve.

Acknowledge your Individuality

Society has defined who is smart, attractive,  accomplished or cool according to some inappropriate standards. While self-discovery is essentially a journey, we must learn to accept and love the persons we are becoming.
Understand that the world needs a combination of different kinds of people to be truly balanced. The genius of our cohabitation is in our individuality and uniqueness.
Decide to love yourself “for better or for worse” – through the excess weight, low income, imperfections and mistakes – while you constantly strive to be a better version of yourself. Spend enough time being yourself and doing the things that truly make you happy regardless of what the stereotypes are. By accepting yourself, you will build your self-confidence and also increase your appreciation and tolerance for others.

Acknowledge that you deserve better

Tell it to yourself over and again. You deserve better treatment, first from yourself – because people will treat you the way you treat yourself – and then from others. Be a little less hard on yourself. Pay more attention to looking good, eating healthy, getting more sleep, exercising and so on. This will help you set healthy boundaries and also recognize when someone is crossing the line.

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People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.

- MARCUS AURELIUS

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