Go ahead. Sit back and judge her.
Pretend that you are whole and centered and well. Call her out for her mistakes. Then, slither back into the hypocritical ways in which you secretly live your own life.
You judge her for being vulnerable.
What is it inside of you that believes that placing a #metoo status on her social media is anything less than courageous? Is it your own fear of the truth? Is it your own shame over the ways you were mistreated in your past? Are you hiding so far down from the surface that the thought of coming up for air to offer even one kind word would take far more character than you have?
You judge her for falling in love with him.
The story is not as simple as you would like to reduce it to. You are making assumptions about a girl who can count the amount of men she has been with on one hand. She has never been unfaithful to a boyfriend. She was the girl who gave up her spot at the popular kid’s table because she did not like the way they treated the unpopular kids. So do not for one second question her morals or values. You have no idea who she truly is.
You judge her for being thin.
You are clueless about her plight. What if I told you that Audrey Hepburn‘s small frame was the result of going into hiding during World War II? That she ate plants and guzzled water to survive. She was on the brink of death, lost the muscle strength to follow her true passion (dance), and never regained proper health. But she should just eat a sandwich, right?
You judge her for being heavy.
You assume she is lazy and weak. This is why you have zero empathy for her, right? What if I told you that it is scientifically proven that stress and emotional trauma can greatly impact a person’s weight? Her father died when she was a child or a family friend molested her on multiple occasions. Is she really just a fat girl to you?
You judge her for being a recovering alcoholic.
Meanwhile, you rarely post a status that does not involve your love of wine. What is it inside of you that cannot be anything other than proud that she was willing to truly look at herself and change? Who does that? A very rare few. And she is one of them. Yes, she stumbled and she fucked up but can you even fathom what it must have taken for her to heal and put all of the pieces back together? She is a warrior. Do not judge her for her battles instead of her victories.
P.S. I am sure that if you ask her, she wouldn’t mind taking you to a meeting.
You judge her for her success.
Maybe it’s envy but you ignore her accomplishments. She might have done some incredible things in her life that most people only dream about, but she is still just that little girl sitting alone in her room feeling like she will never truly belong. Your envy of a precious few small moments she has been fortunate to have is not in consideration of the many unfortunate ones she has also had.
You judge her for her failures.
You find passing satisfaction in watching her fall. Don’t you realize that even though she fell, you were looking up at her? From your safe spot on the ground. She might have fallen but she will climb again. You will simply be in the same place. Flat-lined on flat land.
You judge her because it distracts you from judging yourself.
The sheer strength it takes for someone to look within and to face their darkest truths, is nothing less than awe-inspiring. THEY are the heroes and sheroes. Not you.
Not you who is so cowardly that you close yourself off to any differing opinion. You live on the surface of everything in your existence.
Let me tell you something about this girl. She is unbelievable. She is fierce. She is a courageous. She is a warrior battling for the best of herself. She has faced things that would have destroyed a lesser person.
She is afraid but she tries it anyway. She is riddled with low self-esteem and self-doubt but she tries anyway. She is scared to death that she will never be good enough but she tries anyway.
You on the other hand, will never know anything real. Why? Because it is in the depth where all of the beauty lies and you have chosen to simply exist on the surface.
Thank you for judging her.
Thank you for doubting her.
It was the fuel she needed to ignite her purpose.
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Originally published at breakfastatmelodys.wordpress.com