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Learning To Put Myself First And Boy Do I Love It!

Let go of toxic relationships

A friend who had a knack for overstepping boundaries and never respected my feelings finally got the axe from me and I have never felt prouder because I have battled with co-dependency most of my adult life. Co-dependency is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.

This particular lady had in the past thrown me out when I was pregnant and unemployed after a petty fight (its common knowledge pregnancy hormones can alter people’s moods and emotions), later on reneged on a commitment to pay me for doing work for her and decided to tell me that she would no longer pay me when I had already travelled to another country whilst banking on her payment and I somehow let her stay in my life, until she broke my confidence and trust in a way that cost me a lucrative business contract then I realised she did not deserve my friendship. I politely told her how she had disrespected me and my feelings and went on to block her on WhatsApp and unfriended her on Facebook but the BIG sign that I had done the right thing was the fact that she went on to send me a message taunting me and laughing at me, that very moment I saw a Facebook message from her despite the fact that had told her I did not want anything to do with her was confirmation that I had done the right thing. I was left with no choice but to block her on Facebook.

As I am transitioning in this metamorphosis I have made it my number one goal to remove myself from one sided friendships and relationships because I have discovered and I am still discovering my own self-worth so I know I deserve to get what I give out. For example someone asked me to publish their book and then looked for an excuse to ditch me when they found someone else more “high profile” to publish their book and I let it go, then they had the nerve to come back to me to ask me to help them upload the book on Amazon and I said NO. It felt good because they had never considered my feelings when they took away the work from me and still expected me to set apart time to help them upload a book which if they hadn’t taken away from me they wouldn’t have had to worry about. I didn’t say no because I was bitter, I actually like the person a lot I just didn’t like how they had treated me as a person.

Now is the perfect time to start asking yourself some difficult questions like I did. Are there people in your life that love having you as THEIR friend but don’t show up as yours, they cut you off mid-sentence to talk about themselves or to introduce a new topic, they don’t celebrate you like you celebrate them? Remember that its actually an honour and privilege for them to have a place in your big heart and be in your life. Remove anyone who isn’t appreciating and reciprocating love, support and friendship.You are allowed to terminate toxic relationships including friendships.You are allowed to walk away from people who hurt you and disregard your feelings.You are allowed to be angry but don’t let it fester into bitterness.You are allowed to put yourself first. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for taking care of yourself. DO YOU!

Originally published at www.huffingtonpost.com

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People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.

- MARCUS AURELIUS

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