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Leading With Feminine Confidence

How I Let Go Of My Fear of Success

Photo credit: Sofia Gomez Fonzo

Last summer was a bittersweet time for me. It was the 6 year mark of when I separated from an old life and began my divorce with now ex-husband. I even went to Los Angeles and stayed at the same hotel where we initiated the divorce. I saw my old-self there. She was lost, broken, low on confidence and with no hope for the future.

I looked at the woman in the mirror now, today, in the present and celebrated the journey I have taken, the journey so many women take when they transition from one relationship to another or one stage of life to another.

It takes guts to reflect on your past history, let go of your perception of past failures and allow your natural confidence to shine again.

I believe deeply that one of the biggest leaps a woman makes on her journey towards success is aligning herself to self-confidence, creativity and joy. When you align to this personal source of power, you begin to identify where you are leaking power to other people, places, things and situations and you need to be willing to “let go” of them.

The easiest way to do this, is to let go of the old thoughts and beliefs you have that are keeping you trapped in your current situation.

How attached are you to your old way of thinking and how much do you really want to grow and expand? I was pretty attached to all of it. And so I lost all of it. That’s how I was shown how to start over again. I was attached to so much anger, blaming and shaming myself, comparing and despairing over other people’s lives and their relationships, my victim story, self-pity, old beliefs and the deep fear of rejection.

Here are the 6 things that I let go of, that were holding me back from success:


Anger

When you are a victim, it’s easy to get angry with your family, friends and co-workers. You blame others for where you are in life and for why you’re so unhappy. You may not even realize how much you blame everyone else for your situation. Anger is a draining emotion. It also prevents you from moving forward in your life. You can’t see solutions if you’re focused on being angry at people.

Take your power back. Use anger to understand where your boundaries have been broken, what is making you so angry and then channel that anger into creating and producing. If it’s not serving you, let the anger and blame go.


Compare & Despair

Have you ever heard that term before? Compare and despair? This is when you open Facebook or Instagram and see the happiest people on Earth on their dream vacations, getting promotions, getting engaged, opening their own business, publishing books, appearing in magazines and you say to yourself, “I haven’t done that,” “I don’t have that,” “I could never do that.” The comparison is toxic and kills our spirit one comparison at a time. Open the lines to your heart and focus on gratitude for what you do have in your life, all the gifts, all the opportunities, all the beauty. You are talented and unique with your own set of strengths, experiences and dreams. Believe in yourself. You are the treasure.

My Story

Sometimes when we have had a long history of being a certain way and experiencing life in a specific way (struggle, hustling, victim) we cling to those stories of survival (I was abused, I was poor). That story is all we’ve ever known and we make it a part of our identity. Are you willing to start doing something new about your problems and create a new experience?

When we create a new identity, we move forward into the unknown, into uncertainty and into risk. We move into courage and create a new identity based on new experiences, new opportunities and new challenges. This requires creativity. Don’t repeat past outer experiences. Instead listen to your inner voice and intuition. Your new creative spirit will lead you forward on the path of life.

Scripts, Old Programming, Invisible Beliefs

Look at your thoughts and pay attention to what they’re limiting beliefs they are looping and repeating in your mind. Be willing to choose which thoughts keep you small, anxious and unmotivated and which ones delight, expand and grow you to your next level. Then, let go of the thoughts and beliefs that are bringing your confidence down.

These old, out of date past thoughts and beliefs sound like, “I’m unlovable”, “I’m unsafe”, “I’m worthless”. The beliefs you have about yourself and about others will impact you in love, career, relationships, health and life Choose beliefs that build you up not knock you down.

Victim Orientation

Do you say things like, “I’ve tried everything and nothing ever works for me” or “I’ll never be able to do that” or how about “I’m too slow”, or “I’m too old” and “I’m not lucky”. These are beliefs you have about yourself and your brain will sabotage yourself to ensure that you’re right about your beliefs.

For example, at the last minute you are asked to give a presentation to speak on behalf of your sick boss. Do you see it as a problem or as an opportunity? In victim orientation you may think, “I can never count on anything turning out as planned.” In creator orientation, you’ll develop resilience and can see a change as plans as a new opportunity to create something new.

Fear of Rejection

We all experience fear at some point in our lives, especially the fear of rejection. It keeps us safe and it protects us from danger. Fear can motivate us to get out of a dangerous situation, and take action towards our goals.

But most of the fear that we carry around does not serve us. It actually paralyzes and imprisons us. And this is when we turn into victims. We shrink. We hide in the shadows. And we stop trying.

This is exactly the point where people stop. Fear stops them in their tracks. Learn to not take rejection personally. Give people a chance to have their preferences and allow yourself to accept your own love and gifts, regardless of other people’s acceptance and validation of them. You’ll learn how to be self-sufficient.

With my new confidence I was able to express my personal gifts and creativity wholeheartedly. I was able to be vulnerable and show up with more strength.

For anyone who is experiencing this process, set a creative expression date with yourself. If you are an artist, then write, paint, dance, sing. Share it socially or publicly. If you are a corporate professional, show your creativity in your work. Look for great ideas, brainstorm, strategize and present your work with pride.

Present, ask for a promotion, speak up. Be a leader.

Once you let go of your fears, you’ll be amazed at how quickly you start to develop self-confidence. You’ll let go of victim thinking and channel your energy into creating and producing. When you become the creator of your life, you live life with passion and vision your life will naturally blossom with new opportunities. Then you can become the true spirit you were destined to be.

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