Its so important to be able to express feelings – to allow what we are feeling to flow. However, as women we are often taught to keep quiet. We’re told to be polite, to be accommodating. Most of us from a very young age have been programmed to suppress our feelings. We were told things like “stop crying or you’ll go to your room”, “stop shouting”, “be quiet”, “don’t be silly”. Even the act of giving someone a tissue when they are crying is unconsciously saying “stop crying”. And how often were you made to go to your room when you were feeling angry or really upset?
So imagine how different it would have been if when we were kids we were responded to with words such as “I understand why you’re angry”, its totally OK to be angry about this. Or “You cry, you cry and let it out, I understand why you’re upset, you express it”. And its not our parents fault or our care-givers fault. They were programmed the same.
We have this thing in our society that we’re are made to feel bad when we are feeling strong emotions. And what happen is we can often suppress our emotions. This can lead to feelings of stress, tension and pent up anxiety. Eventually causing more serious mental health conditions such as depression and panic attacks. It has has been proven scientifically that suppressing emotions can have negative psychological consequences. It has also been linked to pain and inflammation in the body.
I went through a bout of depression myself and one of the things that was key for me to break free of it, was to get in touch with, and release some repressed emotions. Your emotions are part of you. They need to be taken care of. When your feelings are held back, you are creating tension in your body and your mind. So knowing how to express your emotions can prevent physical problems and pain from showing up later. We need to feel everything. Feel the discomfort. Accept that we are women with feelings. And cherish those emotions.
So why is it that society is so scared of emotions? Why does society encourage us to deny our emotions? Well part of it is due to our very masculine, patriarchal society where we are programmed that showing emotion is a weakness. But actually feelings are a wonderful source of wisdom. They come from your subconscious mind and this part of your mind knows everything about you. It has recorded everything that’s ever happened to you. So your subconscious beliefs trigger your emotions, and when they are triggered, they can tell you so much about yourself. There is a power in expressing what you’re really feeling. And you’ll find when you express yourself, you empower other women around you to do the same.
Now another reason why we are taught to express our emotions is the idea that if we are spiritual, if we’re on our spiritual path, then its ‘unspiritual’ to have negative emotions. We should be calm and feeling happy all the time, and not react. Well this is absolute rubbish! Even the most enlightened teachers get angry and feel fear and pain at times. Its natural, its normal. These feelings will still occur and it doesn’t make you unspiritual to feel anger, to feel pain. To feel frustration and fear. Maybe the way you express those feelings can be ‘unspiritual’ but certainly not the feelings themselves.
We have to change this idea soul sister. It is not bad to have these emotions. Yes, on our spiritual journey we are striving to feel happiness and peacefulness most of the time. And as we strengthen those neural pathways in our brain that are associated with feelings of happiness and peace, we will feel good most of the time. That will be the most dominant response in the brain. But we’ll still get triggered. We’ll still feel those emotions from time to time.
It is really important that we don’t deny these emotions. We need to give ourselves permission to have and feel emotions. Acknowledge them, each and every one. Acknowledge them as valid and something worthwhile to feel and explore. Feel them and let them flow. Every feeling is valid, every feeling has its purpose. Don’t deny them. Asserting your feminine power means expressing yourself!
As I said before, our feelings are automatic. They are triggered subconsciously. So first get in touch with how you are feeling. And if you’re really mad, really pissed off, then feel that and let it settle. Expressing your emotions is not the same as reacting. It can be a good idea to take a deep breath and wait a minute before responding with angry or defensive words. So first of all just acknowledge what you’re feeling. Just feel it, let it flow. And if its something like anger, then you might want to choose an activity that has energy and fire. That will help you to express and release and let this flow. So it might be:
I enjoy barefoot running on the beach with my doggies. Just recently I had a situation where I was very unfairly treated by a family member. And I was so frigging mad, I was so pissed off! When I went for a run that day, it was fantastic! It was one of my best ever runs! Because I was just pounding out my anger and frustration at the injustice of how I’d been treated.
You may want to ask a friend if you can share with them. Call them up and say can I talk to you. I’m feeling so pissed off, I’m feeling so upset. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. As I said, you may find that by allowing yourself to express your emotions, by being honest and saying I’m feeling this, that you are empowering the other women around you to do the same. Embrace your feelings, and make sure you have an outlet to express them.
Now if you don’t have that friend available, then try some other activity. For example:
You may have a situation where it is not beneficial to tell the other person how you feel. However you need to express it and you know it will help you to do so. This is something I do. I used to write letters to the person involved or write to the Universe. I would write a letter and then later burn it. Now with modern technology I record myself on my phone! I say everything that I’m feeling. Then later, when I’ve cut the negative energy cords and I feel better, I delete it.
There’s no such thing as bad feelings. Yes it is true that certain emotions have a lower vibration and have a negative effect on your mood and your own vibration. However these feelings need to be expressed. You cannot heal if you’re pretending that you are not feeling. If you are pretending that you don’t have those feelings. You can’t heal until you first acknowledge what you’re feeling.
And if you are a girl who is always pretending everything is OK, putting on a mask, because you’re trying to be positive. Or because it’s expected of you as you’re the strong one. Maybe you just don’t want to cause a fuss, or maybe you believe showing those emotions makes you weak. If that is you then STOP IT! Right now! Try to be yourself. Try to be real. Be honest with what you’re feeling. Ask a friend, say to them “I’m having a shit day, do you mind if I share how angry I am”. “Can I share how stressed I am”. “Do you mind if I share how I felt when so-and-so spoke to me in that way”.
And when you start expressing yourself more, you will find that you are bringing up repressed emotions from the past. From past trauma and grief. Past dramatic events that you didn’t fully process at the time, and didn’t really heal from. So that’s a good thing, it’s fantastic as you are releasing. And we women need to release. If you are feeling agitated or aggravated, then go into it, feel it. Be aware of it and get it out. Feel and then you can let those emotions flow through you freely. It’s healthy to let your emotions flow freely. You release tension. And then you heal.
You might want to chose an affirmation or mantra to help you such as “I’m good at expressing what I’m feeling”. Keep repeating it. And this doesn’t mean that you have to express in retaliation. Or to get someone back, hurt them back. You’re just getting it off your chest. And it’s not for nothing that we have that expression in our vocabulary. It’s because if you don’t express it, it will stay on your chest. It will harden your heart, it will cause pain and anxiety.
So please soul sister, acknowledge those feelings. Cherish them. They are valid, they are important. They are you. And spend time with other women who are also self-expressive. Who are also conscious of their emotions. Women who aren’t afraid of their feelings and are out there talking about them. When you express feelings, you are also practicing self love. You are saying that you are worthy, that you matter.
Be with people who want to know how you’re feeling. Who want to hear how you really are and not just hear “fine thanks”. And this will help you to express and help you to heal. It’s only by accepting what we are feeling that we can process it, release it and heal.
When you express feelings, then healing comes.
Love and Empowerment