What an awesome single life… NOT… I had an awesome life but the single part made me miserable to tell you the truth because I didn’t want to be single.
Am I gonna end up alone…?
This was the question twirling around in my head.. All the time.
I was worried and felt lonely. But you wouldn’t know because I was made myself busy achieving things.
A well paid job, going on fun holidays, buying my own property, having fun with my friends and I enjoyed all of that… till I remembered that what I desired the most was a loving, honest, committed and passionate relationship.
I had all these ingrained conditionings like… love will happen when you least expect it or you can’t force love, which I felt at the time meant, it would either happen or not and there was not much I could do, it wasn’t up to me to find true love (and that is BS btw).
Having said that, I did go on dates and dated the wrong guy too.. (a really wrong one once)… and I less and less believed I would meet someone… so I gave up.
I said No. More. Dating.
I don’t want to just date and see if something would come out of it… I stopped and I said…I just want to meet my guy, the one for me…. And believe it or not I did!
And this is not a fairy tale here and I am not saying to you that the prince on the white horse rode in. Far from it.
What happened was I made a decision.
I made a decision that I was not willing to compromise.
I made a decision that I was not hoping for love to happen but set an intention to be fully open for it and receive it.
The same way as you can make career choices and goals, I thought, why not, I am going to make a relationship goal.
It may sound backwards but, first, I wrote down everything that was not acceptable for me…. because there was no way on earth I would end up with the wrong man again….
I wrote down the not acceptables, how I wouldn’t want to be treated ever again, what are those things I wouldn’t compromise on, the things that are just not ok for me in a relationship.
And that started to crystallise and simplify what I was looking for.
I truly believe that when you’re clear on what you don’t want, it helps you to let go of it, get that out of the way, so you can create a real dedicated focus on what you truly desire.
After that, I started to write down what I desired in a relationship. I wore as much detail as I could and kept adding to it, kept crystalizing the picture so what I wanted really filled my focus.
This was not a collection of what I expected him to be, do or have as after all, I have no control over other people, but rather my relationship goal focused on me…
Who I wanted to be.
How I wanted to feel.
How my life would be.
What I wanted to have and do, not just in the relationship, but overall.
I also accepted that I cannot make it happen, I would not know where I would meet him or how. But it was easy to accept the unknown and uncertainty with having a clear relationship vision, it stopped being a desperate and miserable fantasy in my mind.
It became more realistic and a valid wish of mine.
Setting my intention and creating a crystal clear relationship goal gave me self-confidence and confidence in the future.
I could get on with my life. I could focus on other things that I enjoyed. I didn’t pursue hobbies or went out with friends with the constant underlying hope that I would meet someone, no, I was liberated from my own expectations and doubts.
And I did meet him. And don’t worry, It’s not a perfect relationship! LOL.
Not at all.
But a true one, in every sense! (I love you, my love)
And it gives both of us plenty of opportunities to grow and be more.
My biggest relationship wisdom is that we don’t complete each other, we’re complete as we are and bring our whole self to share with one another.
Why am I sharing all of this in public? I don’t think it’s surprising that even with all the various choices we women can have in life, having a loving, committed and fulfilling relationship is still strongly desired as research shows.
And this is shown to me in the conversations I am having with coaching clients and many other women lately, the desire of a truly happy relationship is a high priority for many of us… So in case you needed to hear this story, it’s here.
What is your relationship goal or vision?
All my love xxx
Originally published at dianaadamko.com