Christmas blues is definitely a thing – people are now more likely to talk about it and it’s heavily searched on Google in the last quarter of the year. So if you’re feeling a little down this Christmas you aren’t alone. Anyone experiencing loss, loneliness or financial hardship can find Christmas difficult. Even if you’re not going these things – Christmas can be hard.
The Christmas blues can also take us completely by surprise. One night this week – right out of nowhere – I had an attack.
You see Christmas is not quite the way I thought it would be as I have not been able to have children of my own.
And this year I lost my mother.
While I thought I had weathered both of these storms, this week I unexpectedly went into a dark well of despair.
I went places I have not gone in years. All the while knowing that going there was not going to serve me, or anyone around me.
But my hurt, sad self went anyway. It was tough and even tougher on my husband and our dog.
After what seemed like an eternity… but really was a bit over an hour… I started coming out of it.
How To Turn The Christmas Blues Around
How did I turn the Christmas blues around?
I realised that if I truly subscribe to the belief that I create my own reality – which I do – then I need to live it.
And if I truly believe in my ability to manifest my own freedom – which I do – then I have an opportunity… scratch that obligation … to rescript the story I tell myself around Christmas.
[If you are experiencing severe Christmas blues please reach out to a qualified support/counselling service in your area].
So What Does Rescripting Your Christmas Story Look Like?
What I am about to share maybe a little different from what you might expect … but bear with me… you may find something you can try on for size.
Here are three steps to re-scripting your Christmas story:
1. Fully own that you create your own reality
My belief is that we do create our own reality. Pre-birth we set particular intentions to explore and expand during our lifetime. We set up experiences that will help us grow to see who we really are (sidenote: expansion is not always fun … but it generally results in growth).
At times like this – when you find yourself in a cold pit of remorse – this is when the rubber really hits the road on this belief. Are you going to truly subscribe to it or not?
So the first step is to own that, at some level, we create the situation we find ourselves in.
So I did.
2. Understand everything is for you
This is an extension of Step #1 and tells us that there is some growth to be gained from whatever we are facing in the present moment.
This may ring a bell with you as you look back at tough experiences in your own life and, in hindsight, you see how they have grown you.
So in step #2 get curious and ask yourself what is there in this for me?
In this instance… I asked myself what was for me in this deep sadness about Christmas?
I had three pretty major AHA moments:
AHA Moment #1 – My worth is not reliant on what/how or with whom I spend my Christmas Day.
Christmas is not a report card which delivers a pass or a fail on worthiness.
My worth is inside me – it does not come from how my life looks on the outside.
AHA Moment #2 – My life without children is about exploring freedom at a different level. Until now I have probably pushed this thought away due to my limiting beliefs about not being a mother. I have not allowed myself to truly embrace this sort of freedom.
AHA Moment #3 – When I was deeply in my despair I finally heard a different dialogue. I heard my inner child speaking. She desperately wanted to be heard and acknowledged in this space. I have not listened to her, or acknowledged her, in any way on this issue at all. I have not taken the time to have that priceless dialogue with her to understand exactly why Christmas blues are a thing for her.
Time for me to have a chat and understand how to help her feel safer and happier at this time of year!
3. Re-script your Christmas story
This step is gold but can really only be done once we have fully done step #2.
In previous years I have tried to deal with the Christmas blues by rescripting my Christmas story – but I’ve done it grudgingly (and not very successfully). I’ve dug my toes in and gritted my teeth during the festive season. I’ve put on a “happy” face while feeling pretty miserable inside.
I created a living hell in my mind about what should be, and what I didn’t have (my own family), rather than what I had.
I managed to get through each Christmas but, because of my old script, the personal cost to me was high.
So this year I’m truly rescripting my story. I’m detaching from the external story of “how a happy Christmas day should look” and stepping back to create a day that is happy and joyful on the inside – not reliant on who is there or not, or what is going on.
So my new script this year is about intrinsic joy and gratitude for what I have and not trying to force something that is simply not there.
It is about acceptance and grace.
My new script is far less about the outside story and much more about a positive inside story. I’ll be creating space for gratitude within. And I’ll be completely grateful for those people I do get to spend the day with!
Ultimately the difference this year is in how I will be approaching Christmas inside my own head.
Perhaps you can too?
If you are experiencing severe Christmas blues please reach out to your therapist or local crisis support/counseling service.