If you’re feeling stuck in your life, whether it’s with money, your job, your relationship, or just plain everyday life, whatever you do, keep reading. As you read this, it will be easy to see how your self image can keep you stuck. You will also discovertwo simple steps to work with self worth issues that you didn’t even know you had.What is self worth?
The Dictionary says, “the value one assigns to oneself”. So, let me start by asking you…
So, what value do you assign to yourself?
How much do you think you are worth?
Now, just sit with that for a moment.
If you’re like most people, there may be areas in your life where it feels like things could (or should!) be different. Maybe you aren’t making as much as you’d like, or your relationship is not where you want it to be, or your health is not in a good place, or there’s something missing spiritually.
Now, on the surface, you may or may not connect any of that to self worth, but stay with me, I will show you the connection and share how you can work with self worth to help you get unstuck.
Let me explain.
So let’s say, for instance, that you have a high power job or you’re a successful entrepreneur. Let’s say you also have a family that you’re balancing your work with. And, maybe the state of your emotions ranges from stressed, overwhelmed, frazzled, guilt-ridden (for not spending time with family).
You work long hours, your mind is occupied with work, it just feels like you don’t have enough time. On the outside it shows up as annoyance, frustration, losing your patience with the kids or someone on the road if they cut you off.
But, you realize that anytime you’re trying to control your environment, it’s coming from a place of fear, don’t you? You may already know this, fear and self worth often go hand in hand. Yup!!! Fear means you don’t think you can make something happen which means you don’t believe and trust yourself!
Sound familiar to you?
You may or may not believe that it comes down to self image, that you need to find a way to work with your self worth.
Are you like “What!?”, “That’s not true”, “You don’t know my job Padma”, “You are not running my business.” Yes, I am not in your shoes. But, I know this state of mind. I have worked with 100’s if not 1000’s of clients and many of my high-achieving clients have struggled with that. And I used to be that way. I was driven — if you had seen me in my 20’s…boy was I driven. A mentor even asked me at that time, “What’s the hurry?”
I graduated with 2 Masters! I was on track to getting my therapy license by 24 and having a private practice, the house,2.5 kids, 2 dogs. Yes, I wanted it all by the age of 28, max 30! Had it all planned.
I was on a train, to nowhere. But it felt like time was running out. I was on this road to achieve all of these big aspirations, these big dreams. But I was stressed and frustrated when things wouldn’t go as planned.
Big dreams and aspirations are not a bad thing! You see, we value hard work, we value aspirations, we value big dreams in our society. But what’s underneath that? Have you even considered what’s driving all that? What beliefs are driving that?
What causes one to be so driven?
Here’s what I have seen — most of these types of people, like most of my clients or me, are internally driven! Meaning no one is wrangling their hands behind their back to make things happen. They want a lot more in their life, they are visionaries.
They’re good at what they do, people think very, very highly of them, they are valued by people in their personal and professional life, they make things happen. . . If you’re reading this, then I know this is you because you wouldn’t be attracted to this type of content if you weren’t in that category. Nothing wrong with that, is there?
But, what I am referring to is what’s driving all that? You see if you’re like most people, you probably haven’t even paused to consider that. It’s almost like we have sleep walked our entire life. And, for what? Trying to prove something to yourself or to ‘people’. Because we are too busy living what we think we should do.
Sooner or later, you will realize that what’s driving that is how you see yourself. Your self worth, your hidden self image.
“You can never outperform your hidden self image” — John Assaraf
Does this make sense to you?
You can see how powerful this one statement is, can you not?
So, let’s break that down.
For a minute, imagine that you highly value yourself. Now, if your self worth is super good, then you will not be bothered by external circumstances, am I right? There will be a sense of peace no matter what’s happening.
There will be a belief that you’re resourceful, you will figure it out. The self doubt with not be present. You will do things without an underlying factor of trying to prove anything to anyone. It will come from a place of service and you will know that you’re doing the best you can. Basically, the internal chatter will disappear, whatever you do will come from a place of trust and not fear.
It comes down to what you’re telling yourself. I told you I’d tell you what positive self worth is and there it is!
In my interpretation, that’s how someone who values themselves highly, sees themselves.
Now, imagine that you have a hidden self image of “I am not good enough”, “I am not worthy” My sister used to be like that. She was always working so hard, would not slow down, she would not sit down. There was a constant state of activity of doing things for others and not much for herself. The result? Well, she was exhausted (as I’m sure you can imagine, can you not?) All because she didn’t want to look inwards or she couldn’t look inwards.
We worked through it. We looked at what she was avoiding inside. Eventually she realized that it all came down to what she was telling herself. Her internal chatter was driving that, there was an inner dialogue of “it wasn’t enough” .
When we cleared those energetic imprints holding the beliefs in place that she was not good enough, things changed dramatically in her. She took the time to work with her self worth and her life changed.
Her work improved, there’s a sense of peace, she’s more present with her husband, and with her family. Things changed inside and out. Here’s the beauty, she still is busy and does things for herself, but it’s not coming from the same place. She takes time for herself without compromising her needs.
Her story of struggle is not uncommon, especially with the women I work with.
You can relate to it can you not? Especially if you’re a visionary.
I can say that about myself too! I would have continued that train to wrecking myself had I not fallen sick for many years. That was my first experience with awakening.
Even now I have to check myself. When I work too much or too hard or notice there’s an element of trying to prove anything, I pause. If my emotions take over where I have self doubt or frustration — it’s time to pause.
My energy type works better when I give myself some time off. So, when I noticed I was feeling frustrated and anxious over nothing, I knew it was time to slow down. It’s something that I evaluate every week. Anytime you’re grasping or forcing things to happen, you’re not in the flow are you!
Two Steps on How to Work with Self Worth:
The first is Awareness. Have you considered that awareness is the key? It starts by observing what your self talk is like. Have you noticed how you talk to yourself? I am wondering if you knew how much your thoughts create your reality, you would pay attention to what you’re thinking, wouldn’t you? So, in your journal, start to pay attention to your stories about yourself, it will start to reveal your beliefs.
Change your thoughts, change your life.
If you’re like most people, you are going to be like, ”yes, I am going to do this” and then you’ll fall right back into old ways. I am not being pessimistic. I just know human behavior and how the mind works after studying it since 1993. Yup — that long! This is going to take time and practice and habit change.
The second is becoming aware of your hidden self image. By now, you’ve probably realized that the hidden self image is much more of a hindrance to creating the life of your dreams, haven’t you? How do you bring it to the open? You may or may not have noticed that the issues that you’re least aware of are the ones that hold you hostage. The ones that you have written off as “that’s just me”. I used to say “Oh!!! I just love what I do, I am not going to charge much for my services”. Yup — that used to be me eons ago! Not realizing that it came from me not valuing myself — aka self worth.
So, how do you bring it to the open? Simple, look in the mirror. Look at where your life is. Are you making the money you desire? Do you have the relationship that you want? If not, it’s worth looking at what beliefs you’re holding about yourself. Remember you can’t ever outperform your hidden self worth.
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