We are wired for safety, not success.
I’ve watched hundreds of people hold themselves back because of just this.
But not you, and certainly not me. We are different.
WE’RE ADDICTED TO SUCCESS.
Please comment below to let me know I am not alone.
I came out to myself about my success addiction this past year. It took great effort to uncover it, but I finally came face to face with the one flaw that had been holding me back for the first 43 years of my life.
You see, I am wired for safety too, except stacking up success was one of my ways to stay safe.
In case you missed it, take a peek here to read more on this. Here’s a brief recap:
I used achievements to get attention from my parents, but what I more deeply desired was their love.
And somewhere along the way that coping mechanism turned in to a character flaw. A flaw that produced success. So it has served me well, but there’s a dark side too.
I would stack up accolades to the ceiling and then fall apart. Sabotaging myself in some way. Only allowing a certain level of success because I believed I was either 1) not good enough or 2) shining too brightly 3) all basically leading to the idea you would not love me anymore.
I knew most of this, but I was not able to see the pattern I had created that was holding me back. I actually knew I was self-sabotaging but could not solve it. And believe me, I love to solve puzzles but this one was a doozy.
It was affecting my happiness at work, at home, my level of income and ultimately my joy for life.
Some of the ways it showed up for me:
- I felt bored or anxious and was not able to predict which it would be from day to day
- I felt disconnected from myself, my husband, and generally everyone around me
- I knew I looked successful on the outside, but I felt extremely unsuccessful on the inside
- I knew something was really off, but I could not put my finger on it
- And most importantly, I did not know how to talk about it and who I could share it with
SO MAYBE YOU’RE NOT ADDICTED TO SUCCESS LIKE I WAS, BUT I GUARANTEE YOU HAVE DEVELOPED ONE FLAW THAT IS HOLDING YOU BACK IN LIFE AND LEADERSHIP.
Do you know what it is?
You see in my case, my pattern of success addiction was keeping me safe. Somewhere along the way as the years of b.s. from my external environment stacked up my brain became wired to tell me I was not enough. And this is what I believed.
You’re doing this too, and you will keep devising strategies to protect yourself just like me.
I suspect you’re feeling:
- Bored with where you’re at
- A desire to do something different, more in your zone of genius
And most likely you also:
- Are struggling with intimacy in one or more relationships
- Are searching outside of you to fix it OR you’re ignoring it
Now hang with me because here’s why your one flaw is killing your leadership, if it’s not obvious already…
>> A bored leader is disengaged
>> A leader not operating in their zone of genius places the business at risk
>> A leader struggling with intimacy in relationships is less effective with their team
>> A leader doing nothing or looking outward will fail
It’s always an inward game. Think on that one for a bit.