Let’s be real. Most of the things that move us forward into our best life are the same things that scare the lights out of us. They challenge us, give us anxiety, create doubt, confusion, invite negative talk and self-limiting beliefs, and leave us clinging for dear life on the edge of our battered comfort zones.
But the rewards? Now, those are priceless. Faith, authenticity, character, grace, truth, honesty and everything else that money cannot buy. What is the going rate these days for the “When A, B, C fall into place, then I will” or “double Dutch game” syndrome?
What is this syndrome? It is merely one of the oldest self-sabotage tools in the book. Have you ever watched children playing a lively game of double Dutch? There is always the one. That kid who is scared to jump in. That kid who just hops from one foot to another on the side of the ropes, waiting for the right time. Scared. Thinking. Assessing. Waiting. Stuck.
What has you stuck this week, month or year? What has you living in the good old “What if I fail” hypothetical city? Where some of the most talented, brilliant, gifted, yet stuck individuals live a life, protecting themselves and basing all decisions on a future failure that may never happen. How much has it cost you this year alone to live a generic version of your best life? What is the payoff for playing small? And what will the gift of showing up fully mean for your life?
Whether it is fear, perfectionism, procrastination, self-doubt, money and time scarcity stories, or just laziness, there is something oddly soothing and familiar about waiting for “the right time.” When the stars align. When the kids graduate. When you save enough money. When you have enough time. When you get yourself together. When you are healthier. When you’re wealthier. When you win the lottery. When you’re skinnier. When you feel good naked. When you look good naked. The list could go on and on.
And for the few who do make it? For those who make the leap to the other side of fear? They are just the lucky ones, right? The ones who can afford it. The ones who are crazy. The ones who love taking risks. The ones who don’t have all the responsibilities that you have. The ones who don’t have a good head on their shoulders.
After all, you’re pragmatic. You are realistic. You weigh all the odds, taking into account all the risks, the consequences, all the things that could possibly go wrong. All from the comfort of your blind spots and a healthy dose of ignorance.
Remember that you only know what you know. And you have an idea of what you don’t know. But the biggest part of the pie is what you don’t know that you don’t know. How do you plan to bridge that gap?
What is possible in your life when you do?
Growing up, two of my three biggest fears revolved around family. Losing a parent or having to deal with child custody issues. My third and most debilitating fear was failing to live before I die. After experiencing the death of my father, and surviving an an aggravating and challenging co-parenting and custody mediation, I can truly say, I have conquered my biggest fears and most important, I have received the biggest gifts of my life. Gifts that came wrapped in rough, ugly, and painful sandpaper.
As for my fear of failure to live before dying. I recently shifted my relationship to that one too. Thanks to self-doubt, fear, crummy time and money scarcity stories and my loud inner critic, it took over 15 years to make that happen. But thanks to prayer, coaching and my decision to trust God and step out in faith, I can truly say that I have created a life where I’m living, owning and embracing everything I was created to be. My personal definition of what abundance really means.
Twenty years ago, during the height of my fascination with connecting to my bigger purpose and living my best life, I interviewed 20 people to find out about their greatest fears. Their answers were unanimous; death. The thing is, to die, you must already have lived.
Whether you are hoping for reincarnation as one of Oprah’s pampered dogs, or traveling the gold-paved streets of heaven, all you have is now. This moment. Will you choose to live now? Or put it off for that “someday” that may never come. What is possible in your life if you choose to shift your relationship to the things that scare you the most, and use them as your own personal compass to grow? A compass that creates an awareness that when these big scary fears show up, they are merely a signal that you’re stepping into your greatness. You’re ready to play bigger, create something better, and live before you die.
There is no right or wrong version of stepping into your greatness, playing bigger, or way of being everything you were created to be. Only you know what you truly want for your life.
Maybe your version is becoming president of your country.
Maybe your version is being able to provide food, shelter and clothing for your family.
Maybe your version is waking up an hour earlier to meditate and pray.
Maybe your version is being grateful for where you are, and giving back.
Maybe your version is being a good wife or husband.
Maybe your version is taking a break from your video game to shower.
Maybe your version is wearing clean clothing.
Maybe your version is drinking 8 cups of water a day.
Maybe your version is leaving the office by 6p.m. every evening to spend more time with your children.
Whatever your version of abundance or your best life is, you can choose from possibility or choose from fear. What I know for sure is that discovering your purpose, and creating an inspiring vision for your life gives power and freedom to live with intention. Those two tools also give the power to navigate relationships to fear and doubt with ease and flow.
Perhaps you’re putting off being everything you were created to be, and living your best life until you get to heaven. Or just maybe you’re hoping for something or someone to give you evidence that it’s the right time.
When will you decide that today is the right time to step out of your comfort zone and into your NOW?
You’re the expert on your life. You have the power and the freedom to create a new comfort zone. After all, where you are now was a scary place before you got there a few years ago and made yourself at home.
Are you ready to unwrap your best life?
What support do you need to make that decision?
Your Relationship and Life Coach, MiMi Dabo
I coach high-performing professional women and creative entrepreneurs (and some visionary men) who are committed to making an impact in the world, but are stuck, bored, or unfulfilled, in their professional or personal lives. I also help women to bounce back from breakups, separation, or divorce, and create beautiful lives. I help them shift negative emotions and regain the confidence and self-esteem to reinvent their lives.
Want to share your experience? Email [email protected].
If you enjoyed this post and you are ready to bounce back from whatever has you stuck, then check out options for discovering your life purpose, creating your vision, and designing the life you truly want at www.lifecoachforwomen.com. Ready to Step into Your NOW? Learn more about the 30-Days to NOW Group Program.