My whole life I’d been governed by my thoughts, mostly imprisoned by them.
I’d suffered from anxiety for a large part of my childhood and for most of my adult life too. I’d always done well to ‘conceal’ this anxiety but it was ever present.
I was always worried about the past, concerned about the future and I was never present enough to realise that the thing that was causing me these feelings and emotions of discomfort was my own thoughts.
An unexpected breakthrough moment.
The realisation that I was not my thoughts came to me one day as I was washing my dishes in my top floor flat in Edinburgh (Not the moment I was expecting to experience an epiphany but incredible nonetheless).
At the time, I’d been meditating for around 18 months, and although I’d experienced fleeting moments without thought in meditation, this was the first time that I experienced ‘no thought’ as I went about my day-to-day tasks. It was a breakthrough moment.
It wasn’t a moment of ecstasy or one where I felt a huge surge of energy, it was much more subtle; a blissful, peaceful experience that gave me the greatest insight of my life …
“If no thought is present and yet I am still present, then that can only mean that I am not my thoughts.“
Holy smokes, this was BIG.
As soon as I had the thought about my experience of “no thought”, I was back into the world of thinking. Haha.
It was gone as quickly as it arrived and yet, it wasn’t really gone. It was now with me, always present beyond my thoughts.
I began to ask the question …
“If I am not my thoughts, yet I am still present when thought no longer exists, then who am I?“
Have you ever asked yourself that question?
Who Am I?
This question led me on a deep spiritual quest to understand the meaning of life.
Since that moment of washing dishes, I’ve felt a great sense of peace.
That’s not to say that I don’t experience anxiety or other emotions of discomfort, I do. It simply means that I no longer get attached to the thoughts or feelings of anxiety and I am much more able to let them pass through me with grace and ease.
Now you may be wondering, so how can this help me?
Well in the same way that I had the realisation that I am not my thoughts, you can too.
From my own experience, I know that beyond the world of thought lies the only place you will ever find true freedom, peace, joy and bliss.
I now call that space your innate nature, the essence of who you really are.
The ever-present, unchangeable awareness, sometimes referred to as consciousness.
Take a moment today to ask yourself these three questions:
- Am I my thoughts?
2. Who is the ‘I’ that is aware of my thoughts?
3. If I am not my thoughts, then who am I?
These questions may seem basic in their nature, however they will take you deeper into yourself providing you approach them with an open mind, an open heart and an open will.
Enjoy self-enquiring and stay curious at all times.
The greatest gifts are found when you go within.