Often I hear men say that they shut down or want to run away when their woman gets too emotional. I get that, I do! From a man’s perspective, yes it can be frustrating. Women aren’t men. They do not react like men, feel like men or think like men ( for the most part). We process differently and yes there are some commonalities, but as a general rule we are emotional beings and we feel everything. This, of course, isn’t true for all women. Some men are very female brained and if you are one of these, just reverse it.
Women tend to hold many things inside that happen with their man. They tend to protect his fragile ego ( I know, I know that is crazy but it is what they are taught). So when they have too much held in, they tend to burst out with all of it. Which doesn’t feel fair to men. I get it, I do. Why hasn’t she said something when it happened. I’ve done it myself. I see both sides. Women often do not say anything when it happens. There are many reasons why and the most common is what we were taught by society growing up. Don’t make him angry, don’t make waves, let it go, men are fragile is what I grew up hearing.
It takes a strong man to understand and be present with an overly emotional woman, even if she has a good reason to be upset.
If you are with your woman and she is having an emotional moment and you find yourself wanting to run instead of hearing her out. Here are a few things to keep in mind that may help.
* Stand strong and listen-hear her
* Don’t make it about you
* Stop if you get triggered and center yourself
* Hold her if she needs it
* Don’t make it about you
* Ask what she needs
* Wait until she is finished
* Talk about your part later
* Say I hear you and I understand ( if you can)
* Look at things from her side of it
* Don’t lose sight of loving her because she is upset
* Understand that she is an emotional being
* Understand she isn’t a man – she reacts differently
* Give her space if she needs it
* You will want to fix it- don’t
* Let her know you are “here” for her
* Her feelings matter
Let the storm pass. You don’t argue with a thunderstorm. You don’t try and fix a thunderstorm.
We get overloaded with emotions and thoughts that are bursting to come out. If you cannot be with her, then give her space to do it alone. Don’t try and put out the fire. Don’t make her wrong. Don’t start defending yourself, start being curious and seek to understand.
Don’t make it about you! There is an us and when one is down and injured you work on it as a team. If she isn’t strong, she needs you to be the rock. Be that rock. Put your responses and defense in the box and close it temporarily.
That doesn’t mean there won’t be times where you won’t be needing her to be strong for you, there will be. Right now though it is about her. Let that be, be present. This is showing her you love her and care about her wellbeing. Even if you are the reason she is upset. It doesn’t have to be a war. It can be a way to connect and communicate better.
You aren’t agreeing with everything she says by being understanding. You certainly have the right to your time explaining your side of things, and being heard. Just notice how she glows when she feels supported and cared for even when she is having a storm of emotions. She will feel accepted for being a woman and that is an awesome feeling!