When most people think of a marriage counselor, they envision a couple on their last strands before divorce. The sex life has stopped. Communication feels nonexistent. Compromise? Don’t even ask!
Start at the Beginning!
I’m here to offer the service at the opposite end of the spectrum. It is a marriage preparation course that sets the newlyweds on the right foot. If we truly want “until death do us part” there is lots of work involved. Marriage is not a set & forget type of relationship. It takes work, it’s demanding and the fact that two humans must co-exists peacefully forever is quite the daunting task!
In the Bedroom First!
But first we must back up to the newlywed phase. Most couples look forward to consummating the marriage ASAP! Sex is such a flurry that it can be set on a path that’s not conducive to the relationship. That’s right – it’s sex counseling and advice for newlyweds!
Now is the perfect time to ask what you want in the bedroom. Make sure you get your satisfaction too. It’s a test of communication I the funnest way possible! I like to tell clients to try sex toys, there’s a bunch of things that couples love to bring into the bedroom that’s not too risque. When most people think of vibrators like this https://www.theadulttoyshop.com/vibrators they don’t often think about couples using them together. Vibrators are not just for women, I like it when couples use them as a tool to explore each other’s body. It’s joining the couple in the way that God intended in the marriage – fully exploring sexuality and enjoying sexual pleasures together.
Once that sex is out of the way, it’s time to talk about living together! Out of the bedroom and in the kitchen, women tend to assume the womanly role as cook while men often reluctantly clean up on the advise of the woman. It’s just the way society has been over the past decades but now that’s changing. The new norm is for roles to be reversed a little bit. I am pleased to be part of this movement where norms are restored and the marriage is a true 50/50 split.
More Work than Ever
https://ifstudies.org/blog/how-to-restore-a-marriage-norm is an article that I hold near & dear to me, I love what it preaches and I think this approach is better for the long term/. Some couples entering a new marriage don’t know how to act because it’s not set in stone like it used to be in the 1950’s era. Now it’s more fluid so soften the couples doesn’t really understand how to act in certain situations. This is why a marriage preparation course is essential for the newlyweds. They need to establish their place with each other.
One of my favorite teaching is to encourage partners to treat their spouse like a friend. When we think of the difference between a friend and spouse, we always hold the spouse in higher esteem. The reality is, we bicker with our spouse about trivial and often stupid things. We never bicker with our friends this way, they just wouldn’t put up with it. We can have the “nagging wife” or the “useless husband” but we don’t have friends like this. If we have nagging friends, we simply wouldn’t be friends anymore.
Love is a Battlefield
If we change the thinking and approach our marriage with more of the tone of friends rather than an old pair of bickering crows, it’s amazing how much nicer the relationship becomes. The hallmark of this practice is respect. We don’t respect pour spouses as much as our friends ans that’s very harming to the relationship. Avoid the bickering and “pick your battles” which is tried and true relationship advice for anyone who can’t seem to get along with others. Not everything is worthy of bringing up for debate, sometimes we need to relax a little and let things go!