I remember sitting at that crossroads…knowing things needed to change, yet being scared (okay, terrified) to show up in a different way. It felt like leaping blindly off a cliff. This happened any time I pushed up against a leading edge, which is kind of like the advancing edge of my comfort zone…you know, growing my business, becoming more visible, asking for and receiving help, being really vulnerable and sharing from my heart, and handling money.
As a doctor, new entrepreneur, and single mom, I wanted to break through my own glass ceilings and increase my success (impact, income, and freedom) for sure, and even more I wanted to break free of the effect that fear had on me. I so wanted to courageously be me!
Of those edges, the money thing was one of the hardest. I was brought up to be ultra, financially responsible. I didn’t buy anything if I didn’t have the money to pay for it…except for my house. I even saved up and paid cash for my cars! I had been raised to believe that debt was bad. And from a survival standpoint, that was a good thing! Money, or lack thereof, was never my enemy. The trouble was, I had moved out of a place of surviving and into one of thriving. I made really solid spending decisions, AND I butted up against a leading edge HARD when I started my business.
From a logical standpoint, my mind understood that I could do one of three things with my money…spend, save, or invest. What I didn’t realize was that the imprints or beliefs I held about spending, I also applied to investing. Now, I had no trouble investing in my medical education or retirement. Those seemed natural and very mainstream, but when it came to investing in myself and my business, the feeling was quite different.
I used personal savings for my startup costs and was spending very responsibly. Then it became obvious that I needed more marketing knowledge. I wanted a course and would have to use my HELOC (home equity line of credit) to pay for it. Holy cow! You’d think I’d just run into a brick wall. While transferring that money, my palms felt sweaty; my stomach was fluttering; my heart was racing; I was second—guessing myself. I couldn’t believe the extraordinary number of limiting beliefs and doubts that were in there! Would I actually be able to learn marketing without a business background? Was I capable of being successful enough to earn this money back? Was I being financially irresponsible as a single-mother of five kids without child support? The deepest question, though, was…was I good enough to make this work?
I felt like I was at the edge of a cliff. Part of me wanted to jump, knowing that any good entrepreneur pulls out her credit card and invests in herself, and part of me was clutching and hanging on, stuck in the fear. Then, I took a deep breath and leaped. And you know what happened? I landed gently on the ground about two feet down.
Wow! That was exhilarating! I’d faced the fear and jumped anyway. Woo-hoo! I was doing a serious happy dance, not so much about the course I bought, as about the change I made. I broke a longstanding pattern that was no longer serving me. I shattered that glass ceiling. I decided to keep pushing that edge by investing in myself and my business. I bought another course and signed up for a software subscription. I paid for some business travel. Each time I transferred money from my HELOC it got a little easier, until I was presented with a $15k opportunity. Holy cow! My physical and emotional reaction was the same as on that first day. Apparently, my threshold was just higher. I leapt.
Woo-hoo! It was such a rush. I had taken the next step in building my business. I knew it was a solid decision. I knew that by investing in myself, I’d make that money back 10x over. Even more importantly, I was high-fiving myself for something huge.
I finally got out of my own way.
Join me as we explore this secret (Secret #2) further in my free web class, “From Surviving to Thriving…How I Get an Extra 3+ Hours Each Day…FOR ME!”
Originally published at melissakaltmd.com