What happens when you’re not living in alignment with your values?
When you’re not living in alignment with your values, you’re spending the majority of your time and energy doing things that aren’t meaningful or important to you.
This could be working overtime all throughout the week while what you value the most is spending quality time with your family. Or going to a monotonous and systematic desk job when what you value the most are art and creativity. Or, then again, being a stay at home parent when all you can think about is the career you had to sacrifice.
Living out of alignment with your values can manifest as many things, but most notably resentment, anger, and frustration. This discord and deep dissatisfaction with what you’re doing gradually builds up into this monstrous feeling of unfulfillment.
So you start to blame the people around you for the sacrifices and compromises you had to make, even if they played no part at all in the decisions you took.
The longer you live this way, the more out of sync with your core self you become. You begrudgingly get out of bed every morning, dreading the thought of forcing yourself to do things that have very little meaning to you all over again. You’re constantly stressed, anxious, angry, and bitter.
Being in misalignment with your values not only makes you unhappy but it also makes you closed, rigid, and resistant. This is the opposite of the flexibility, adaptability, and openness that come with emotional resilience.
So you feel like there’s no way out of this cycle, that if you were to be more true to your values, you’d have to uproot your life and drastically change who you are. This couldn’t be further from the truth. You can live a life in true alignment with what you value, become more emotionally resilient, all without the pain of feeling miserable and inadequate.
How to build emotional resilience through staying true to your values
You may be thinking “just because I believe in being open to opportunities around me, the importance of living new experiences and exploring the world, doesn’t mean I can afford to quit my job and follow my passion in life”, or “I value my career and I know I am capable of great things if I were to focus all my time and energy on my job, but my partner won’t be pleased if I don’t stay home full-time to take care of our children”.
You may feel guilty and ashamed, but at the end of the day, you will know that your values are what bring meaning to your life and what make everything worthwhile.
When you take that first step off the path of extrinsic values and direct yourself towards intrinsic ones, you become more in sync with the true nature of your mind, body, and spirit. Even if the work is exhausting, time-consuming, and difficult at times, you will still feel fulfilled and satisfied because you’re doing what truly matters to you.
And because you’re catering more to your wants and needs as well as your well-being and happiness, you gradually start to build your emotional resilience. Ultimately, you won’t feel as stressed because you managed to create an environment and nurture relationships that support your aspirations, encourage your growth and development, but also help you navigate change and adversity more smoothly.
3 steps to align your values for greater emotional resilience
Step #1: Get your notepad and write down a brief account of all the significant moments you’ve had that taught you something important about your life. You may have quite a long list so work on grouping them into different categories, especially if you can summarize that lesson into one word.
Now highlight the ones that represent who you truly are, and in a different color, those who represent what you want to grow into. Next, select five core values that are deeply meaningful to you and that you are intentional with.
Step #3: At the end of each day, review your actions and decisions and whether those align with your core values. Ask yourself the following questions.
● Which values come more naturally to me?
● Which values feel inauthentic or out of alignment?
● Which values are difficult to live by? Why?
● Are there any values I need to reconsider, add, or adjust?
Living our core values is integral to living a life with purpose and meaning. There is no greater gift we can offer ourselves than that of honoring our authenticity, who we truly are, and living with passion.
When our personal values align with our thoughts, feelings, and behavior, we experience more joy, happiness, fulfillment, and contentment. We’re proud of our life’s legacy and we’re better equipped to deal with adversity, difficulties, as well as challenging situations.
To help you identify your core values and create an action plan to find meaning and congruence, I designed a values-based, content-rich, course that launches today, Monday November 16th, 2020. I can’t wait to guide you through an exciting journey towards a better, more emotionally resilient you! Head on over to my Home Page and click on “courses” to sign up today!