Community//

Why I won’t ask a quiet person how they are!

At first glance this seems like a really rude thing to do but bear with me as there is a reason. You see I am that said quiet person and after a weekend of much reflecting I realised something about myself. I will always answer the question ‘How are you?’ with ‘oh I’m fine thanks’ […]

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At first glance this seems like a really rude thing to do but bear with me as there is a reason. You see I am that said quiet person and after a weekend of much reflecting I realised something about myself. I will always answer the question ‘How are you?’ with ‘oh I’m fine thanks’ no matter what is happening or how I am feeling .. why is this? Social conditioning, family conditioning .. who knows but as the words come out of my mouth my whole soul silently cries to be heard.

Some days the universe makes sense and some days there are no words to describe what is being felt, these are the times I retreat slowly into myself forgetting that I can communicate with people no matter how they receive it. Speaking becomes a forgotten tool until somehow somewhere I start what seems like a very random conversation about nothing much and then it all comes pouring out.

I liken this scenario to a time when I was out riding my horse , we were out going along our merry way when turning an uphill bend in the road we discovered two sheep biding their time to balance their way across a newly cleared cattle-grid designed to keep cattle, and sheep to which ever side they were put on. My horse was so horrified at these sheep he planted his feet and would not budge no matter how much I asked and asked him to, I tell you I was most embarrassed as we held up a whole load of traffic that had been forced to stop including one of our neighbours who, as they were in one of the stopped vehicles, had very kindly opened the gate and were then stuck trying to stop the opportunistic sheep from scurrying through. Anyhow, times like these call for out of the box thinking – if the horse won’t go forward then we try sideways or backwards – any type of movement to get out of the stuck fixation and then when momentum gets us going we point in the desired direction and hey presto we’re through the gate before we know it.

Perhaps that’s why we Brits rely on the weather as an opening subject, something seemingly mundane but creates the movement and momentum that can open a whole world of thoughts and feelings and once that gate has been passed we can see things from a whole new perspective. I know that once those thoughts have been voiced they no longer hold the same energy and like my horse I move away from the stuck fixation.

Next time you see your quiet friend or meet a quiet person be sure to ask them what the weather is doing, or what they’ve been up to that day, anything but ‘how are you’; you may be helping them more than you know.

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