Community//

Who Are You Committed To?

... what happens when a group of people stays committed to each through one of life's most traumatic experiences.

We would’ve been married for 18 years the day this picture was taken.

I can’t remember the last time I did the math. We’ve been divorced longer than we were married.

No bride or groom walks down the aisle thinking they’ll end up in the greater-than-50%-of-us who get divorced.

(well…maybe some odd celebrity getting hitched as a publicity stunt does, but that’s not you)

I used to carry a great deal of shameabout the divorce.

We live in the heart of the Midwest.  

Divorce around here comes with a stigma.

I didn’t like being the mom at the bus stop who had to explain why her kiddo only caught the bus on Mondays/Tuesdays or explain why I didn’t have my kid on Christmas morning.

It’s taken a while for me to feel comfortable explaining to people how my family works because we aren’t the “norm”.

(as though there is such a thing)

You see, my ex-husband and I don’t fight or speak ill of one another.  As parents of a beautiful girl, we talk and routinely check in with each other.  We’re comfortable in a room together.

We walked away from the marriage, not from each other.

We share the kids… all of them…his and ours.

His kids come over to my house to play, spend the night, and go to fun places.   The oldest came with us on our family vacation this year.

We are family.

If you had told me 18 years ago, that I’d wake up on my “anniversary” with three kids snuggled deep in one bed (one ours, and two his) in the home I share with my “new” husband, I would’ve called you a liar. 

But it’s true and it’s beautiful.

I’m sharing this with you because things often don’t work out at our job or personal lives as we’d predicted.

We get upset, frustrated, or sad over the loss of what was or what appeared to be.

We build barriers, walls and invisible armor to protect ourselves.

We walk away.

We miss out on what’s possible, what can be when we’re able to say goodbye to what was and decide to commit to what is.

These two wouldn’t be here if things had worked out with my ex and me.

I get to see the product of what happens when a group of people stays committed to each other through one of life’s most traumatic experiences. 

Three beautiful kids who make jokes and giggle around the table.  Snuggles before bed and snarfing big bowls of sugary cereal in the morning. Love multiplied, not divided.

It’s a beautiful thing.

Who do you need to commit to, not walk away from  today?

    The Thrive Global Community welcomes voices from many spheres. We publish pieces written by outside contributors with a wide range of opinions, which don’t necessarily reflect our own. Learn more or join us as a community member!
    Share your comments below. Please read our commenting guidelines before posting. If you have a concern about a comment, report it here.

    You might also like...

    Broken heart with love sign on wooden bacground
    Community//

    Why my Divorce is a Blessing in Disguise

    by Crisly Zerrudo Todorovic
    Wisdom//

    What No One Tells You About Divorce

    by Fon James
    Community//

    5 Things You Need To Know To Survive And Thrive After A Divorce: with Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin

    by Ross Garcia

    Sign up for the Thrive Global newsletter

    Will be used in accordance with our privacy policy.

    Thrive Global
    People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.

    - MARCUS AURELIUS

    We use cookies on our site to give you the best experience possible. By continuing to browse the site, you agree to this use. For more information on how we use cookies, see our Privacy Policy.