Is it true that love is blind? Should we keep it that way? I
I have heard very many times those lines most of us probably grew up learning and accepting without question, lines like: love is blind, all is fair in love and war, love can never be too much, among others. However, as we grow and increase in knowledge and experience, we are forced to turn around and question these status quo: are they all true in all situations?
Love is beautiful, no doubt, and, no one can survive without it. We are biologically created to be social animals, to have innate needs for love and affection, as one of the fundamental needs for a successful healthy living. So, yes, it is not blameworthy, but rather praiseworthy, that you desire to love and be loved by others, because it is only part of being a normal human being.
However, it becomes something to worry about when that loves goes way overboard, and you are willing to sacrifice anything and everything of yourself in order to keep that friend or lover. Every relationship has its good and bad times, ups and downs; times when you can’t even imagine anything ever going wrong, and, oh, those times when you’re at each other’s throats and wonder how you could ever have loved “this person”. Yes, every relationship (friendship and marital relationships alike) have those two extreme periods, but, we all try to keep things under control, when we know this person is “worth it”, the “relationship” is worth it, and we “both” still want to keep it alive and strong.
So, what happens when any of those three things are not in place? When you are not sure this person is really worth it? When you are not positive the relationship is worth the fight? Or, worst, when you are the only one who is fighting to keep the relationship alive?
Then, there comes the situation where you love is “too much!” I know, we all grew up believing that love can never be too much, then, sometime much later, we were seeing something about not loving too much: kind of confusing, right? It is actually just talks because we don’t “think” about it before we love someone or some people, love usually “just happens”. We don’t need to put it any active efforts in bringing love to live, but, we need to invest some conscious efforts in keeping alive and making it grow.
In our bit to keeping love alive, we might lose the balance and start cheating ourselves, loving the other person more than they deserve. Loving them more is not a problem by itself, no, but, do you deserve doing that to yourself? Are you happy doing that to yourself?
You might not know when you start going overboard in love, but, the signs are usually there staring at you in the face, but then, the same love (oh, talk of blind love now) prevents you from seeing them for just what they are!
What are some of these signs?
No more boundaries: we all have our individual boundaries; those things you set as your principles that you will never accept from anyone. They are different from person to person, but, usually, they are things like putting a limit to how many times you can forgive lies and cheating, how far you can go in explaining yourself to someone, how far you can go in giving excuse to someone, when and how you can allow touch(es) from someone of the opposite sex, and other things like that. Now, it is okay to stretch boundaries once in a while when you are in a relationship that is really worth it, but, what happens when the other person seem to have no respect for your laid-down rules and overstep the boundaries unapologetically every now and then? They might offer you some feeble apology or not tender one at all. And, the red sign here is when it stops meaning anything to you: you know you don’t want this to be done to you, but, because it is “this person”, you cannot complain for fear of losing them. That is when you stop having boundaries, you become a stepover to whom anything can be done without question. Do you still believe it is just normal in love?
No individuality: you have lost your person, you are no longer a complete individual on and of yourself, until you are identified with the relationship. Your life revolves around the other person and the relationship you have built together, and so, there is nothing left in your personal life worth attending to: you are the one who has no personal dreams, no goals, no friends, no hobbies, nothing at all aside what your relationship offers you. “YOU” are no longer existing except as a part of the other person’s life, and, when they choose to break the “US”, you have to want to stop existing. Do you still believe your being and individuality is worth sacrificing for another?
No self-time: we all need this, at varying degrees and for different reasons. This is a time you allocate to yourself to meditate, relax and refuel, in order to come to better terms with the events of your life and/or come up with greater ideas and suggestions on moving ahead with your life; it a time you need to be alone and by yourself for your overall development and improvement, and so, cannot be sacrificed (except in very few extremely necessary situations) for any other reason. However, is your relationship taking over that as well? Leaving you no space for your self-growth and development? And you are still very much willing to keep living for “them” whilst nothing is going right with and for you?
No respect: this is quite a deal-breaker, it’s got no ambiguity. Respect, they say, is reciprocal, right? But, in your relationship, you have become the one who is undeserving of any form of respect or dignity, while you shower all of the respect on (basically worshiping) your partner. Do you ever wonder why s/he treats you this way? Or talk to you in a way that always makes you feel down/less dignified? Or show you to the public the exact opposite of what you showcase him as? If you have lost your respect in the relationship and you are cool by it, “so long as he’s still a part of my life, then, it’s fine and worth it”. Seriously? then, you have to really accept that you have sacrificed yourself in that relationship, and, that is way overboard. Are you happy or you force yourself to believe you are?
No satisfaction: when your relationship becomes one where you give and continue to give without any deep feeling of satisfaction or fulfillment, and only feel “obliged” to be happy when he is satisfied, then, you have already lost much more than you would normally be willing to give in a healthy relationship with duly placed love.
No growth: you are not allowed to grow and get better at anything, and, you are expected to remain just where you are, below your spouse and bowing to their orders. This is what we call “envy”; when your spouse becomes embittered at your successes and achievements, carrying their weights about and expending energy on making you either lose that “thing” or lose the “pride” and “joy” that comes from getting it, then, you know that they gone overboard and you are in the wrong relationship. If however, you choose to remain there without making efforts to correcting this, feeling satisfied in the glory of his own accomplishments while you are forced to remain static with no growth at all, then, you definitely love that person too much.
First and lord over all: you put them before everything and everyone, they become the most important person to you, and, pleasing them is the topmost order, then, you have definitely gone overboard in your love game. You have a reason for coming to existence, right? And that get abandoned in the quest to please an individual? So, you know you have a Creator whose pleasure ought be your primary assignment, that every other human relations come after, right? But then, you just can’t get yourself to do that, you feel obliged to making this person happy and pleasing them, even before your Lord? Then, that is the outright definition of going overboard, to which other signs follow.
Next, how do you know you’re the only one who’s interested in keeping the relationship?