By Sargun Bedi
Betrayal of any sort as well as not getting along with some people can create trust issues for many. A thinking error developed in this process could lead to believing that giving 100% in any relationship could make one lose that very relation.
Although it’s a given fact that with the passage of time, things change, people change and every situation demands a different role from a person. However, when a person develops concerns in trusting others, it means he or she is still being a victim of the past. And being a victim can make a person react emotionally and impulsively leading to destructive decisions.
Giving one’s best always or giving too much can leave people in a confused state, feeling guilty or regretful. The boundary gets crossed without realizing that they themselves gave that space to others in the first place. This leaves very little capacity for a person to determine their own actions and ends up blaming others for not going miles; just what this person expected as a reciprocation. That is where it becomes significant to understand that everyone’s language of love and relationship style is different. Some people who are so ‘giving’ end up doing more than half the task of the other without even being asked. Though, done with a good intention, may or may not get appreciation as expected leaving the person feeling dejected. Setting up a healthy boundary is what calls for the action. A boundary of being self-aware of the present situation.
This thought that giving 100% would mean losing that significant other, be it a friend, romantic partner or a sibling needs to change where building capacity in giving people a chance and being open enough to embrace differences can be placed. This could create a space to understand that a healthy boundary wouldn’t make the person feel worked up, misused or betrayed and also help him or her develop an insight to accepting more perspectives than just one. First by giving oneself a chance, can he or she trust others. Gradually, leading towards building healthier connects and not being judgmental of oneself or others.