Fifteen year ago I made the biggest decision of my 57 years on earth. I decided to separate from my wife of 14 years and move out of the dream house we had built in Malibu, California. Leaving the house I had always dreamed of was easy. Leaving my three daughters was quite another. They were 7, 12 and 14 years of age. It was as if someone ripped my heart out. It was on that day in early January 2004 that my entire life turned upside down. I was thrust into the “dark night of the soul”.
I was blessed to have the financial resources to get a cool beach apartment, however it did not really matter because most days I had trouble functioning. My head was not clear, my heart was broken, my stomach was in knots. That day was the beginning of a three year journey in and out of divorce court. It culminated with five days of trial.
If you are thinking of getting divorce, in divorce or you are already divorced I feel your pain. I know the anxiety. I felt the pinch in my pocket book. I wept over the loss of my children. Over the years I was subject to a relentless, concerted child alienation by my ex and my ex mother in law. And, I can also say, wherever you are in the process, you will emerge. What is not determined is at what cost?
Divorce can and will impact every part of your life. From your health to happiness, from relationship with your children to your effectiveness at work. Needless to say divorce is expensive beyond your pocket book.
I have committed myself to help men going through divorce not only survive, but thrive. I have helped men turn around what could otherwise be debilitating experience into a liberating one. I have developed what I call the Genius Process for men who are transitioning through one of the greatest challenges in life. You can get an inside look by checking out the following video:
The real problem I had was not about the divorce itself. I did not have a game plan, much less anyone to guide me through the ups and downs and pitfalls of divorce.. And as a result it was costly.
Here are two key things I learned along the way that will likely benefit you. In the video link included, there are more specifics on each of them and other insights that can make all the difference in achieving a desired outcome. Remember, whether it before, during or after divorce, it’s never too late to learn, grow and create a blueprint for success.
First, The outside picture is a reflection of an inward condition. I was experience conflict with my ex. Often she would call up and say terrible things, “your a piece of shit, liar, cheater,” and so on. She would threaten me with ruin, the children and even my life. I was in a state of inner stress, conflict and fear and she only compounded. My mindset was being reflected into my outer world. What I did was shift my mindset to find inner peace. I started to meditate, do yoga, connect with Nature. Of course that shift did not stop my ex from doing what she does, but it did stop me from engaging with her energy. She became background noise.
Second, See things for how they are not how you want them to be. A student of mine named Steve was getting divorced. He was a constant state of being disappointed by his children and wife. He could not fathom that they did not want to see him or that he could not come to have dinner with the family on occasion. Steve created an expectation that as the father and bread winner of the family that he had a right to have things his way. Most certainly Steve did have certain rights and those rights did not apply to all circumstance. When I helped Steve to know the difference he began to see things and his wife and children for how they really were and not for how he wanted them to be. He became more accepting and allowing. His stress level declined dramatically. He felt better and developed a carefree attitude. He began to flow with how things were not with what he wanted. And guess what, he actually ended up having things go his way more often than not. You can learn more by clicking the link below.
Divorce does not have to be like a sack of rocks hitting you over the head. You can turn the nightmare of divorce into a new dream, one of your choosing. You can change your inner landscape to become the calm in the storm. You can let go, and find the freedom to flow with life and get what you want out of your relationship with you children and ex.
This can all happen now if you develop a blueprint and learn the key insights that I shared above and in the video. My hope is for you to avoid the pitfalls that I faced on the journey to and beyond divorce. If I can help you and your family end conflict once and for all, then that would be a good day for me.
Wishing you all the best,