The Sneakiness of Busyness and Self-Importance

I’m back in LA enjoying a cozy rainy day after participating in Barb Patterson’s Business Accelerator program. The experience was a great example of what is possible when one is willing to step into the unknown and see what emerges from a clean slate. To say I was surprised by what came forward is an […]

I’m back in LA enjoying a cozy rainy day after participating in Barb Patterson’s Business Accelerator program. The experience was a great example of what is possible when one is willing to step into the unknown and see what emerges from a clean slate. To say I was surprised by what came forward is an understatement.

I went in knowing something felt off regarding my work, but I had no idea what. As Angus and I explored our ideas related to helping couples rewild their relationships everything felt fresh and alive. We are committed to moving forward with the book. We have everything in place for the website. We are excited about doing couples intensives, upcoming workshops, and destination retreats. The energy was clear.

I then shared my excitement about the upcoming Soul-Centered Series. The feedback Angus and I received from the participants in the last series was off the charts. People were so grateful for the depth of the immersive experience, being able to spend time with so many different and amazing teachers, and the impact it has had on their lives from work, to health, to relationships, to coaching and more.

There was no question in my mind that I wanted to offer it again, and with everything Angus and I learned from doing the first series, I knew the second series is going to be even better. More original teachers participating, more time with them in webinars, an extra month in the container. And this is where the surprise came in. It just became clear. This is going to be the last one. I was not expecting that. I wasn’t thinking about doing another Series after this one, but there was an opening, and as soon as that door closed my energy freed up.

Nothing changed externally. All my current projects remained the same. The only thing that shifted was me seeing how I was caught up and tense without even realizing it, and in the seeing of that, I instantaneously relaxed and experienced more freedom of mind. I saw the way forward and felt open to possibility rather than living with low-grade anxiety that I could not put my finger on.

I saw, yet again, I was overdoing it!

Angus and I are inspired to help couples who, like ourselves in the past, might be having a turbulent time in their relationship. The simple understanding shared by Sydney Banks impacted each of us profoundly and continues to do so. As a result, our relationship transformed. We joke with our clients that if we can do it anyone can, but it is actually true. If the understanding helped us to become more emotionally resilient and to feel greater levels of wellbeing and security within ourselves so we could show up in our relationship in a more open-hearted and fully committed way there is hope for anyone.

This doesn’t mean we think that all couples should stay together, but we recognize if it is a heartfelt desire to have more peace and harmony and a deeper experience of intimacy and connection in your relationship, this understanding makes that so much easier. Angus and I are not special. We are human. We still have our human eccentricities and foibles, but we have room for that in our relationship now because we are fundamentally more secure and connected to the feeling of wellbeing of our essential nature.

And just like a relationship is a catalyst for learning and growth so is business. Barb’s facilitation and the group support in the program helped me to wake up to a blind spot. It made visible the misunderstanding. I had been assuming that I should just keep moving forward independent of how I felt because the feelings weren’t important to me. I knew they were transient and that I could move forward with them. I thought, “I’m not going to let my feelings get in the way of what I want to do! I am not going to wallow in them or indulge them! I’m just going to keep going!”

What was I thinking? I didn’t see the subtle and not so subtle ways I was still putting pressure on myself to do it all!

What I didn’t do, however, is get quiet and reflective. With the support of Barb and the group, I was asked questions that had not occurred to me before. I was drawn into reflection and to go beyond what I knew into the unknown. There it became clear to me that I wanted to simplify and focus. Just like I did last year when I closed my therapy practice and launched the Soul-Centered Series the first time. This time I saw how I needed even more space in my life to birth what is next. Further simplification to give me more headspace to create and explore. It is so powerful to have this kind of support in life. It doesn’t have to be in a formal program. It can be with anyone who cares and is willing to ask the obvious questions that aren’t so obvious from inside your own head.

Yet again, my ego and sense of self-importance had got enamored with creating and doing. I forgot to slow down, do less, and know from that space more will be revealed. This is a lesson I keep revisiting. Each time I see another layer of the misunderstanding that my worth is related to what I do, peel away. I know there will be more to see. But for now, I am slowing down — again!

I am remembering, there is no rush. Nowhere to get to. 

My encouragement to you is to look in the direction of truth. You don’t need a formal program to do that. That is for slow learners like me.

What occurs to you when you take the time to listen? What you hear may feel mundane. It may feel revolutionary. What matters most is that you know you have this space inside of you. 

I might have been fooling myself thinking I was more settled and clear than I was, but no matter how much I get caught up in my ego’s ideas of self-importance and try to look good by doing more, that space is there. It is always ready for me to fall into. That is so reassuring. No matter how many times I forget, the space is there. The space of nothing and everything. The space of love that is us. Not me. Not you, but greater us. Every time I fall into it, I remember it isn’t the little me doing anything anyway. 

Rohini Ross is passionate about helping people wake up to their full potential. She is a transformative coach, leadership consultant, a regular blogger for Thrive Global, and author of the short-read Marriage (The Soul-Centered Series Book 1) available on Amazon. You can get her free ebook Relationships here. Rohini has an international coaching and consulting practice based in Los Angeles helping individuals, couples, and professionals embrace all of who they are so they can experience greater levels of well-being, resiliency, and success. She is also the founder of The Soul-Centered Series: Psychology, Spirituality, and the Teachings of Sydney Banks. You can follow Rohini on FacebookTwitter, and Instagram, and watch her Vlogs with her husband. To learn more about her work go to her website,

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