Community//

The Language Of Stress

Ready to take radical responsibility for how you express your feelings and beliefs to yourself and to others...and reduce the overall stress you feel?

stress

You´re making me stress out!

You make me Sad.

We hear these statements regularly in our everyday conversations.  This type of sentence structure is built into the fabric of our culture and belief systems.  It’s in the lyrics of every Country Western song.

Big Life Questions

If these powerful phrases are true, then who is in control of your emotions and your inner life?

You or the other person or situation?

Are they truly responsible for your feelings?

I suggest that “You make me ____ anything” is a formula for the Big V…

or, as I call it, voluntary victim because you have given your power away!

Is it any wonder that so many people give up on their relationships and themselves?  What’s the use if everyone else is in charge of my emotions?

Wait!  If this is so prevalent in our society, what keeps it going?  

There must be some  benefit here or we wouldn’t do it, right?!

What could it be?

Try this on for size, but don’t wear it unless it fits.

The benefit is we get to blame the other person or institution for all our self-imposed misery and failure.  And for a bonus we get to abdicate all responsibility for our reactions and our feelings.

Is It Just Me

…. or is this ringing a bell for you, too?

Unfortunately, it’s part of our societal makeup.

So, if this is woven into our automatic cultural patterning, then what hope is there of escaping from this destructive collective belief system?

By the way, what’s the first letter of the word Belief and the first letter of the word System?  That’s right: BS. Because a lot of our beliefs are outmoded, totally untrue and desperately in need of reexamination.

So,  what can we do? 

I’m glad you asked me that question.

We can TAKE BACK CONTROL & RESPONSIBILITY for our attitudinal feeling states.

BUT How?

Beginning Step

Speak in “I” messages…

“I feel _________,” rather than, “You make me feel ________________.”

Even somewhat causal, “When you do such-and-such, I feel _____________ .”

Say these phrases out loud and see how you feel in your body when others are responsible for your feeling state versus when you are claiming responsibility for yourself.  

Which one is powerless and which one feels powerful?

Now, who is in charge again? And what message are you then sending to your body/mind/spirit complex about who and how you are?

Another healthy by-product is that you are letting other people off the hook of being responsible for your happiness. What a relief for them to no longer be “made responsible” by you!

This is how we begin to change and start to take radical responsibility for how we express our feelings and beliefs to ourselves and to others in our very language.

What a great gift to our children to model for them a healthier mindset and break away from our cultural automaticity in this area.

And yet, this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Taking It A Tick Deeper

Can you think of any other everyday language examples that are “Hiding in Plain Sight” stressors.  Start listening to what you say and how you feel when you are saying it.

    The Thrive Global Community welcomes voices from many spheres. We publish pieces written by outside contributors with a wide range of opinions, which don’t necessarily reflect our own. Learn more or join us as a community member!
    Share your comments below. Please read our commenting guidelines before posting. If you have a concern about a comment, report it here.

    You might also like...

    Community//

    Stress Elimination Vs. Stress Management

    by Julie Jones
    Community//

    Presence is the Portal to Everything You Ever Wanted

    by Ruth Kao Barr
    Well-Being//

    The Important Questions To Ask Yourself When You’re Overwhelmed

    by Ciara Yeo

    Sign up for the Thrive Global newsletter

    Will be used in accordance with our privacy policy.

    Thrive Global
    People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.

    - MARCUS AURELIUS

    We use cookies on our site to give you the best experience possible. By continuing to browse the site, you agree to this use. For more information on how we use cookies, see our Privacy Policy.