My festive holiday started on Black Friday. My business ‘self’ was officially shut down for a holiday, a month early, despite my misgivings.
Did I feel guilty or uneasy? Hell Yes! Did I feel as though I needed to continue showing up on social media so I was still visible? Yup.
I found myself ruminating for hours, but my creativity was stalled, and no ideas or new insights seemed to arise. So, I surrendered and started “partying”.
In all honesty, I would not describe myself as a super-diet-conscious yoga teacher. I enjoy the treats and goodies that the Christmas season brings about. I shopped for Christmas delicacies like puddings, nougats, pastries, cakes, chocolates, and all the excesses that denote the silly season. I consumed as though I was going through some mental crisis (which may be the case, because for me, Christmas came much earlier, and feelings of guilt plagued my consciousness in subtle but insidious ways.)
A well celebrated Christmas I had, mostly alone, despite the guilt! I read educational and spiritual books and reflected on what I could have practiced better in 2020. I was going through an emotional roll-coaster in those few weeks. I experienced a touch of mania at times – giggling, sobbing, shaking my head. However, I discovered a calm solitude and intimate revelations in these intense weeks. I became at peace with myself without having to defendany raw and confronting realisations that arose from within.
In short, I felt there was still work to do on myself and more self-reflection. But I know I am not alone. We all battle the external ego, we all quest for a better version of ourselves.
My thoughts decide my day, whether it’s going to be an easy one or a challenging one. You might have experienced this too. When you think your day is going to be great, some uncommon situation pops up from nowhere which can completely throw you off course. Let me elaborate.
On Christmas Eve, in a busy car park, while singing along with Mariah Carey “All I want for Christmas is You.”, I waited for nearly 15 minutes to park. A car on my left was leaving, finally. Unexpectedly, the car right behind me drove off from behind me and parked himself in front of me and then squeezed himself into my intended car space!
I felt bullied and harassed. He intimidated me when I confronted him. He was not budging and hurled profanities at me instead. Feeling dejected, I walked away and drove off. I was upset for a while, yet I decided not to entertain the anger and disappointment. I made a decision not to hold on to the negative feelings and thoughts and it felt empowering.
I am a thinker; I do surrender to my self-inflicted mental limitations. However, I trust and believe in my self-reflection and internal dialogue 100%. I recall reading somewhere that what we think is what we become. It is quite frightening if you consider how powerful your mind can be, and how it can define your daily state of mind. Choosing to live well, rather than repeating yesterday’s mistakes is a challenge for us all.
Now, the festive season is over, I am questioning what I really want in 2021? After a few rounds of delving deep, answering myself honestly and writing it all down, I have come to the conclusion that all I want this new year is to embrace calmness and gratitude.
Why calmness and gratitude? It is simple. That is what my present self needs. Your needs might be completely different; however, it is essential to self-reflect, journal, and set down goals so they don’t disappear in a flurry of overthinking and self-doubt.
I trust that calmness brings out the art of patience and creativity. Gratitude is the result of noticing and saying thanks to the goodness in this life that I might have taken for granted.
If we stay humble and respectful of others, it will have a ripple effect. Goodwill brings goodwill.
Are you aware that new year resolutions will not solve what you really need? Do not wait until each January to start thinking seriously about what really matters to you. Find it in every minute and every second while you are still breathing and be making those changes. You choose and decide how you will live your day. No time frame should lock you in. This is your daily homework. If you can commit to this one small habit, I promise it will get easier as you go.
As I practice calmness and gratitude, I know I am living in abundance that might not be visible to the naked eye, yet it has provided me with insight when I need to master the learning, even though the lessons can be nasty.
If you resonate with what I have shared, welcome aboard to a new beginning of another long-awaited chapter of life. I believe these moments that we travel through in time, can and should evolve around kindness, compassion and love.
You are invited to join me on the journey towards the prosperity in life that can reside in your imagination for now and become a reality manifested through conscious effort in choosing what thoughts you accept.