Staying positive is one of the most useful state of mind suggested when one is going through a rough patch. For decades now the meaning & interpretation has taken many structures & forms.
But the most evil of all, is the one where a friend, a colleague or just anyone is going through a rough patch & we jump in with a list of ‘Positives’. I caught myself just over-loathing with this “Look at the positives!” very recently & started to wonder how a coping mechanism turned into a defense mechanism.
We were all working from home, schooling from home in the lockdown to protect ourselves from the Covid-19. Our evenings were fun, & planned ensuring we utilized this time to improve family bonding. On one such evening after planning a round of UNO, my daughter went to play with her hamsters, now at one point in time we had 14 of them, but after setting them for adoption she was left with 4. her most favorite babies.
She suddenly found one of them, motionless & not responding to her call.We realized her little ‘Pickle’ had passed on. When she took him, and tears began to roll down her cheeks, I her mum, wanted to make it stop.
I straight jumped in asking to think of the good times, to be grateful that we gave him a good life & her love.
Now, as a Coach, I KNOW that bereavement is a process, with several stages & one of the most important one’s being able to completely feel the emotions, feel the void & letting all the pain out.
Tears are good, they are an outlet to pain.
That evening, it dawned on me how a coping mechanism became a defense mechanism. In this World of quick fixes, we were told to feel less, then when we felt less, we asked others around us to ‘move on’ as quickly.
How often do we tell our friends just coming out of break ups, or divorces to move on & be positive, something worse could have happened?
I made a choice to be Optimistic instead, am not going to “look” for the best in every situation, rather I would have a mind-set that everything is working for my best, when something didn’t go my way, I would sit with it for while, dissect it , pick up my lessons & then move forward with those lessons.
Because that is the Law of the Universe, if we do not learn the lesson, irrespective or how fast we moved, we will be placed in similar situations only to feel, observe & learn again, sometimes with a bigger impact.
So the next time we fall or fail, here are 5 tips to get you forward, as well as close the loop in that situation.
1 . Tune in, into how you really feel, it happen to teach you something
2. Revisit any important details, often the signs are there.
3. Extract your lessons from this situation, person
4. Is there anything you can be grateful for, from this person or situation.
5. Now move on with Optimism , knowing that everything does happen for a reason – and a good one.
So the next time you or a friend breaks down, let them. it is the body’s way of releasing pain. Follow through with the steps above & get to the other side of the experience
Until the next time, much love & light to all of you .
Kim