I was on the freeway and suddenly realized I missed my exit and could end up in Oklahoma. I woke up in my own bed and could not remember which city I was in.
This is the experience or the occurrence of an unconscious, robotic, and automatic life.
On May 25, 2019, I confronted a fear of speaking by bringing the 5 Ways to Stretch Yourself to the stage at Zappos Headquarters in Las Vegas, Nevada. (The spoken version is much different than the written version, but the 5 Ways remain the same).
The Lead and Empower Her Conference gave me the opportunity to be with like-minded women. It gave me the opportunity to turn nearly six years of complaints into… opportunities.
Let me get you caught up on the last five years:
- A cancer scare
- Falling in love
- Shock of a friend’s tragic death
- Walking away from the career I craved
- Walking down the aisle
- Losing a job
- A divorce
There’s a lot of “stuff” in that, but what I am intending to share with you is what stuck and burned out looked like in my world. Then, I want to share with you how to break out of the box and get unstuck.
Because, at some point, the experience of our life is not the life we want to experience.
Does this resonate with you at all?
I tried and strived to get work, to make myself valuable in my home, to save what was becoming a troubled marriage.
And then, one day, I realized the only one keeping me in the box or stuck… is me.
How it Relates To You
- You might have the job you always thought you wanted, but something feels like it’s missing.
- You might find the job that brings in money, but you are not satisfied.
- You might have the “perfect” marriage on social media, but at home neither one of you is happy.
- You might have consulted self-help books or friends and feel very little change.
I’ve been there.
I had to ask myself, what do I want?
It’s always interesting to see what comes up now, I think, as an adult. Our children give us the gift by seeing infinite possibility in their future.
We hear “NO” so often in our lives that at some point, we box ourselves in and stay comfortable instead of seeing what they say.
This awareness happened as I got real with myself, but choosing through the awareness only began in partnership with my coach.
When I walked away from the career I had craved my whole life in 2016, I had two Emmy Awards at home as a television newscast producer. I earned a decent income, and was doing “the thing” I always wanted to do. After 17 years, when it came time to go to work, I would cry.
I cried first because I worked overnight hours. I cried because my friend died. On the day her autopsy report came into my email at work, I had to go pick out flowers for my wedding.
I had to ask myself, again, what do I want?
The 5 Ways to Stretch Yourself is the process by which I ended up on a stage in Las Vegas, Nevada. It is the process by which I ended up pursuing training and a new career as a coach. It’s what unfolded when I got real.
#1 – Ask Yourself: What Do I Want?
- In one word, what’s the first thing that comes to your mind?
- Think beyond the immediate. This isn’t about lunch or dinner, but what you deeply desire.
#2- Consider: Is it a Stretch or a Stress?
- Whatever it is you do will be beneficial if it stretches you.
- As you consider, imagine a rubber band. If it’s a stress, the rubber band will snap.
#3- Decide: What Can I Do Right Now?
- Once you have an idea of what you would like to achieve, it’s best to figure out what you can do immediately!
#4- Discover: Am I Committed?
- Without commitment, goals and dreams remain just that: goals and dreams.
#5- Get Support
- This may be the most important, regardless of what we’re talking about in life: get support.
- Who in your life will hold you accountable, cheer you on, and remind you of what it is you deeply desire?
I had no idea what I wanted, I had invented too many fears about what I wanted to even say something aloud. As a former television newscast producer, I knew everything about planning and yet couldn’t consider if anything was a stretch or a stress! My entire life was built on adrenaline and breaking news. With breaking news and newscast rundowns changing last minute, commitment seemed oxymoronic. Mostly, though, I felt asking for help or getting support would make me weak.
The only one telling me no and the no I had listened to the most came from my own voice, my own negative committee in my head.
I’m still stretching myself, because transformation is ongoing.
Now, I have the joy and privilege of partnering with people as they stretch themselves and pursue their goals and dreams. I made the choice to partner with a coach who notices if I am stuck or if I’m burning out.