Self What?

Tips On How To Get Your Self-esteem Back After Your Breakup

The Thrive Global Community welcomes voices from many spheres on our open platform. We publish pieces as written by outside contributors with a wide range of opinions, which don’t necessarily reflect our own. Community stories are not commissioned by our editorial team and must meet our guidelines prior to being published.

One thing I hear a lot is how women struggle with getting their self-confidence, self-esteem and self-image back after a breakup.

A breakup can have a devastating effect to your ego. It can make you feel worthless and unlovable for months if not years.

I hear a lot of women say that it felt like they were being “thrown away like a piece of garbage”.

This is especially true if they dumped you for someone else. You start doubting everything about yourself that you thought was once true. I mean, if they dumped you, that MUST mean there is something wrong with you.

All of a sudden, everything is the exact opposite of what it once was. So, how do you start feeling good about yourself again?

One thing not to do is play the “if only” game. You know, the one where “if only” you were taller, younger, thinner, smarter, blonder, funnier etc. When you do this you are only cheating yourself, and that is the ultimate betrayal.

It means you don’t value who YOU are. You aren’t respecting your boundaries. You think you’re not good enough. Negative self-talk is soul destroying.

It creates negative expectations which turns to low self-esteem. You are what you think you are.

Make a list of at least 15 things that make you AWESOME. If you need to, ask your friends and family what they think is great about you.

So instead of telling yourself everything you aren’t, I want you to look in the mirror every morning and start telling yourself how lovely and fabulous you are.

Every day pick 1 thing on your list that you are great at or like about yourself, and then tell yourself how great you are. Just by doing this one little thing every day, you will start building your self confidence and self-image and that will start a snowball effect of all the other things you are great at and like about yourself.

As crazy as it sounds, this will give you a reason and permission to approve of and like yourself. You will be surprised at how you start to accept and love who you are, as you are.

You do not need to change yourself for the right person and there is nothing sexier or more attractive than a confident woman.

So screw them! Just because they couldn’t see your value doesn’t mean you don’t have it. Not everyone is able to see the diamond in the lump of coal.

Who wants someone like that? Not you, right? I mean, really, who is better than you at being you?

So go out there and rock it like nobody’s business!

Originally published at

Share your comments below. Please read our commenting guidelines before posting. If you have a concern about a comment, report it here.

You might also like...


5 Mistakes that People Make After A Breakup

by Mitzi Bockmann
nito100/Getty Images

The 11 Mistakes That Can Make a Breakup Worse — And What to Do Instead

by Lindsay Dodgson

Coach Dorothy: “Don’t just wait for time to go by”

by Ben Ari
We use cookies on our site to give you the best experience possible. By continuing to browse the site, you agree to this use. For more information on how we use cookies, see our Privacy Policy.