The fourth trimester is over and it is time to get back into the swing of things.
But that sentence alone is flawed, not grammatically, but indeed structurally.
There is no back – nor should there be. There actually never is a “back to” which in essence is an escape from, but when you are a new Mom in American society – a society that has stopped caring about moms since the baby shower, and really wants you to “get back” – and quickly.
“Are you back to work yet?”
“Are you back to yourself?”
“Did you get your body back?”
Back. Back. Back.
Well, I can feel my back all the time and thanks for some body awareness it is doing well – but no one really wants to hear about that back, or entertain the notion that creating a human indeed takes longer than 6 weeks for things to spring – back.
You want to know what I keep hearing?
It takes a year.
A year! I said. Not me. No way – I will do it sooner.
First contemplation: Why is sooner perceived as better?
“Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear?” – Tao Te Ching
I had a fantastic conversation with my chiropractor, Dr. Justin Ohm, of the Phildelphia area – and he explained (and I am remembering from memory) that No, you donʻt want to do the crunches and exert the abdominal muscles like everyone tells you. You donʻt want to rush the body. And when they tell women their strength is gone – that is simply not true. There may be things that need to be moved along or out of the body from teh tremendous experience that is birth, but the first step: You want to reestablish communication.
Huh, I leaned in because that felt true.
Apparently the prolactin in your system (that lets ligaments enlongate, bones separate, and the complete re-org that is Birth) continues for several months because there is so much change in the body you do not want to rush the reconfiguration, rather the body drops off and drops back in to a new alignment, and hopefully a new strength.
I felt such relief – and the wisdom felt right.
I slowed down.
And then – there was this class that I desperately wanted to take with Jamie Broderick to help pivot my outreach a bit, and increase my online presence. I was so excited for our introduction call. (Yes, please notice the inconsistency).
Except, the baby was crying and I missed the call.
Undeterred, I called her back in several minutes [sidenote Jamie was fantastic, present, and accomodating] and as I sat on the call I realized two things.
One, this woman knows what she is talking about and can really help me.
Two, itʻs not the right time. For a multitude of reasons, but mostly: I cannot tend to my child and this at the same time – right now. Not never – just not now. In all honesty it took me two weeks to come to this conclusion. I took my time swimming in anxiety, pressure, and judgment – pushing the river from my own mind and from the hive mind around me: Get back to it, Kate!
I remembered on the call, when Jamie spoke of her Networking Group – she mentioned in the variety of community: “You get connected for whatever you need, maybe even babysitting, who knows.”
I donʻt need babysitting – I thought to myself.
But I do.
I do need babysitting.
Hey Kate: Get back here & slow down!
When I asked myself, what is my highest priority now? It was Aaron. No hesitation. No social norms needed. I had personal clarity — and joy with its truth.
I emailed Jamie and found out the class ran again in April. Done. That felt right.
Nature has her own rhythm (each family has their own rhythm) and all is provided for — if we make ourselves available.
Look outside. Look up.
Yes, if you are reading this on your hand-held, right now, take a breath, wiggle your toes and look up at the sky.
There is your proof.
Simple as that.
No – none of this is Earth shattering stuff. It is merely a whisper that when you slow down, there is more available to you. You might even become available to you.
Put things in order before they exist – Tao Te Ching
I have found whispers so precious, much more so than screams.
Gurmukh mentioned in this movie…How you breathe is how you live. Long, deep breaths – long, deep life. Short, shallow breaths – short, shallow life.
I made a list.
I committed to “Put things in order before they exist.”
What is the outcome? Where is the storyʻs end?
We are quite literally in medis res.
BUT, we are actually here. Instead of wishing to be there.
Iʻm present and that, my friends, is everything.