Promoting a Rape Culture

The "She Asked For It" Defense

I saw this post on Facebook a few minutes ago. It was shared by my ex-husband and filled with comments agreeing with the statement.

I immediately became angry.

My response to him was, “ So because they wear clothes like this it’s OK to touch them without permission? It’s OK to rape, assault or harass them because of how they dressed? Are you really agreeing with that? What if it was our daughter or your granddaughters that were touched inappropriately and the reason was, ‘Well they dressed provocatively so they were asking for it’?

Is that really what you’re saying?”

And all he could do was say not to ride his case about his beliefs.

“ I really don’t have to explain my beliefs to anyone but my point is these Griffin idiots in hollyweird are running their mouth and messing up peoples lives all so they can get attention so don’t jump my ass over my opinion”

Seriously? I don’t know quite what he meant about Griffin idiots but the rest of it…well, I didn’t stay quiet.

I opened up both barrels – “do you mean by being brave enough to admit they were assaulted/raped/harassed – that’s ruining people’s lives? I’m sorry…but the men who did this…DESERVE IT. They are the ones who deserve to have their lives ruined for what they did. Do you think Eliza Dushku asked to be molested at age 12? Do you think that all the women forced to be quiet or have their careers ruined asked for it?

I’ve been raped. I’ve been assaulted. I’ve been harassed. I can guarantee you one thing…I NEVER asked for it. When I was 19 and was raped because I got drunk and blacked out…that means it’s OK? Because I allowed myself to get that drunk?

When I was 18 and my boyfriend raped me on prom night…did I ask for that because we lived together? So that made it OK?

When I was pregnant with my 2nd child and was almost raped by the man I was dating who was drunk…did I ask for that?

WOMEN DON’T ASK TO BE RAPED. I don’t give a fuck what they are wearing or how revealing their clothes are. No is No. And it’s this narrow minded thinking that has allowed this rape culture to become what it is today. Well guess what…#TIMESUP

Someone else responded, “If a woman respects herself she wouldn’t be dressing like a slut!!! I don’t think its right that men think it gives them the right to touch them but please show some self respect and dress like a woman and not a slut!!!!”

Why do people automatically jump to the “Oh she’s dressed like a slut, and asking for it” defense?

These women are daughters, wives, sisters, mothers, friends…they are people.

I have to wonder…if it was your daughter in this picture, would you still feel that she was asking for it?

Originally published at

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