I think I am an introvert. According to Cambridge English Dictionary an introvert is defined as,” Someone who is shy, quiet and prefers to spend time alone”. I am not sure how well this definition defines my nature. I discovered this term only few years back and to the community that I belong to, people still believe that its an excuse, an excuse that introverts make so that people can go easy on them. I have struggled unknowingly with it for 20 years of my life and now that every one around me has started caring so much I am still struggling with it. I might have suffered due to introversion but I have learned lessons that I would have never acquired, experiences that I would have never gained and I am grateful for all of it.
The question arises,” Do I want to change?”. Maybe yes or no. I don’t know that either. Through a series of post I would like to share my thoughts regarding various interpretations that my mind makes on diverse situations. A major part of my reaction to them is due to this introversion .
Just when you feel that everything in your life is sorted, you are happy, content life plays a game and hits you right where it hurts the most and your bright sky is painted grey. It’s funny though, because somewhere deep down you know how much happiness you deserve and to think otherwise is foolish but you do such foolishness over and over. It’s like a feedback system the more you try to add white the grey-er it gets but what one forgets is black never becomes white no matter how much white is added to it.
I am often blamed by my relatives, close ones for not being considerate. They think I am not trying hard enough to put myself out there. It’s hard to understand that why do people think that its deliberate and blame it on me. I did not choose to become an introvert it just happened.
It’s just the harder I try to come out of it the more it pulls me back. This continuous cycle of trying and failing makes me think that maybe I am okay the way I am. The only question that remains is “At what cost?”.