My response to someone ‘losing’ a loved one…

Every time I see a post about someone 'losing' a loved one, it makes me angry. It makes me angry because I've learnt, from all my experiences with Christian (my brother), that you only 'lose' your loved one if you think you've lost them.

The Thrive Global Community welcomes voices from many spheres on our open platform. We publish pieces as written by outside contributors with a wide range of opinions, which don’t necessarily reflect our own. Community stories are not commissioned by our editorial team and must meet our guidelines prior to being published.

And because it makes me angry, I know that I need to take action to either a) ignore all these posts, b) reply to each one (which is impossible), or c) ask for guidance from spirit. 

So, I asked… this response/reply is what I would give to anyone who’s ‘lost’ a loved one. 


“When you’re also dead you will meet, for sure, your loved ones in spirit, but why not meet them earlier? Now. While you’re still alive. By adjusting the way you connect, you can continue your relationship with them. They are only in another room. 

They are willing you to step out of your grief: your thoughts, and therefore feelings, of being abandoned. Pain, hurt, blame, shame, anger, mistrust, terror. Your grief is self-imposed. Your loved ones are beckoning you (if only you would realise) out of the darkness and onto the pathway in the light. 

This pathway is your ‘grief walk’. This pathway is your journey to healing. This pathway leads you to your soul-self – your true self. Your soul self is the ‘you’ who can connect with your loved one. Your soul with their soul. 

Your loved ones are there waiting on the pathway. They will walk alongside you. And they are sending you helpers and support in your (physical) life to give you courage to walk the pathway. It will be a pilgrimage. Spirals. Peaks. Troughs. 

But slowly walking, and following all the signposts they send you, will bring you into your heart. Your heart is where your soul resides. It is the true you, untainted by limiting thoughts of smallness, impossible dreams and yearning. 

In your heart, you will find unity, you will find balance, you will find peace. You will realise your strengths. You will remember your abilities. You will find your true self. And when that happens, transformations happen, beyond your wildest dreams.

You’ll realise you never have been abandoned. The connection has always been there and you and your loved ones can heal, rest and then expand together.” 

Next time you offer some platitude of: 
‘Oh, well, at least you have your memories’, or 
‘At least, now, they’ll be at peace,’ or
‘Sorry for your loss,’ or 
‘Sending you heartfelt condolences’.
STOP and think about the above message. 

I know it’s difficult to go against societal norms. 
I know it’s difficult to say what you truly believe, because of being concerned about what others think. 
I still struggle with that. 
BUT you’re not helping the ‘griever’. It’s not making them feel better. It’s not healing them. It’s keeping them under the illusion that they’ve been abandoned. 

If in doubt, and you want to reply to their statement of ‘loss’, send them in my direction… please. or

People in grief have the opportunity to find their true self, reconnect with their loved ones and grow together. The world needs healed and peaceful people, rather than people denying, partly healed or trapped in grief, pain and confusion… I’ve been both. I’ve done my ‘grief walk’ with Christian. 

Hannah x

    Share your comments below. Please read our commenting guidelines before posting. If you have a concern about a comment, report it here.

    You might also like...

      Bryce Evans/Unsplash

    Grief Never Truly Ends. Here Are 10 Coping Mechanisms for Any Stage of Your Grief

    by Laurie Burrows Grad

    10 Ways to Grow Through Your Grief

    by Leslie Saglio
    Courtesy of Sasin Paraksa / Shutterstock

    14 Ways to Cope With Grief and Channel Your Resilience

    by Marina Khidekel
    We use cookies on our site to give you the best experience possible. By continuing to browse the site, you agree to this use. For more information on how we use cookies, see our Privacy Policy.