Ok, so this could be a really ‘icky’ topic for me to talk about, but I have been doing some really deep and personal work on my ‘money stuff’ and I just felt compelled to do a little blog about it – and set up a whole new site and online presence along the way!
So for anyone that doesn’t know, I’m a photographer. I just take photos for a living right?
Wrong!
I am a mother, a business owner, a friend, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a lover of nice things, a lover of giving, a lover of receiving, a crazy lady that dances like no one is watching and sings like no one is listening.
I have fears, dreams, goals, desires, I am spiritual, I am moody, I am happy, in essence, I am a normal person.
I am a photography business owner because I LOVE capturing those moments that otherwise would be forgotten.
It’s my responsibility as a pro camera user, to take amazing photos for my family and clients so we can all cherish our loved ones forever.
I understand that life can be fleeting. I know that our babies don’t stay teeny and helpless for long, but that we will continue to look after them and be warrior mumma’s and pappa’s for the rest of our lives, doing anything and everything to keep them safe and to let them know they are loved, supported and cared for.
What’s this got to do with money you say?
Well while many may see money as the root of all evil and the cause of the worlds problems, I am of the belief that money is simply energy, and what we put on money (as in, our feelings about it) we get back.
As a business owner I have to love money. Not from a place of conceit, but from a deep understanding that, without money, I can not give my gift to the world, and I would have missed out on all of the major moments of my daughters life so far!
I have spent most of my life struggling, being told I was no good with money. That it burned a hole in my pocket. I have even taken on board some crazy – not true – beliefs such as I don’t deserve money and that I am always let down by money.
I mean come on! That’s some pretty scary feelings to be dragging about with you for 30+ years!
Over the last 12 months I have invested in myself and in working through my ‘money blocks’.
It’s a long path and I don’t know if I will ever be done as there is always so much to learn. Someone new can come along, in the form of a book, a mentor, a friend, say something and BAM! It hits you right in the face and a new money memory appears and suddenly you are able to clear a new level of gunk from your subconscious beliefs.
One of the recent books I found is “You are a Badass at Making Money” by Jen Sincero.
I loved her first book “You are a Badass” so of course this one was going to be next on my list.
In the book she explains that she was told to write a letter to money. You know, as if you’re in a relationship with money. Such a weird notion I understand, but stick with me here.
You get to write down exactly how you feel about money, as if it was a real life person.
I did this and the results were phenomenal. I honestly didn’t even know that I felt half of the stuff that came out. I found many subconscious beliefs that I can now debunk and release.
As I’m all about listening to my gut now days, and I believe that this letter could help others by triggering something deep within themselves, that they can realise and clear, I am going to share it with you all here…..
Dear money
I am writing this letter as I think we need to talk. I always find it easier to write a letter than say it face to face. You won’t have to see me cry, and I will get to say all I need without chickening out.
I love you. I love the way you can make me feel. I love having you with me. I feel safe, secure, cared for, supported and loved.
But then you go and leave me.
I know I haven’t always appreciated you, but I appreciate you now.
In the past I was fearful that you would leave me. I have grown up expecting to be disappointed, so of course that’s what I attracted to myself.
I have had all of you, then I have blown it in fear. Fear of getting so used to you being around and really letting myself fall for you, but knowing that it was only a matter of time before you left too. Why let that happen when I could just push you away first, and in turn prove myself right? I got to be correct and say “I told you so”.
No one likes to be embarrassed, so if I just push you away first I won’t have to admit to everyone that I wasn’t good enough and that you left me.
I have spent my life, especially the last 6 years wanting you so badly it hurts.
Wanting comes from a place of lack and I felt like you weren’t there for me.
I mean, you were totally there when my husband left me, and I was actually better off finically as a single mother, as crazy as that sounds, but I feel like I got greedy and stupid, and didn’t appreciate you enough. (Of course now I can see this is just limiting belief b.s, but at the time, it was a real thing!)
I let myself get to the point where I was happy, and comfortable with you. I knew you were keeping me safe and that you had everything at home covered and I could go out and chase my dreams knowing you had my back.
I opened my first ever studio. I moved studios in a year all the while using more and more of your love for me, but I didn’t show you enough attention and care in return. As my dreams grew and I hired staff and bought more equipment and pushed myself even further on the path of my dreams, you didn’t come with me fully.
I know now this is because I hadn’t worked on myself. I still had so much to learn about why I am the way I am and I do the things I do.
You left as I didn’t believe I was worthy of you, on a deep down subconscious level.
But I know now that this doesn’t have to be my truth.
I know that this little voice that is buried deep down inside me, controlling the show from a place of fear, the conviction of being right and protecting me from being hurt, meant well.
But I am a grown up! I’ve got this! I thank my little worried inner voice for trying to keep me safe, but lovingly say:
‘ You can let go of that fear now, I can handle what ever comes my way, you did a great job but I’m ready to step up ‘
Money, we are a team. We are a dream team! Together we can achieve all of our desires. We deserve to do, be, have all that we want. There is no shame in that.
I see that it was never you that was the problem, just me putting my negativity on you.
You are caring, loving, supportive, there for me, abundant, kind, helpful and I promise I will never forget that.
I know I am safe and that I won’t be disappointed again. I am open to all off you, now and forever. I know we can make amazing things, experiences and situations together. We can dream big and show up for each other and I am excited to pass on this knowledge and love to my daughter and anyone else who will listen!
I know that if you go, you will always be back, maybe even bigger and better than before with a bunch of flowers saying how much you missed me. I will be so excited for your journey and for your return, no matter how long it takes.
Thank you for sticking by my side even when times were tough and it looked touch and go. This is the start of something huge and I’m so excited to share it with you.
My love and support of you knows no bounds and together we are living the life of our dreams and enhancing others lives too.
All the love
Jen xxxxxxxx
Ok, so now you know how crazy I am.
But in all seriousness, it was such an eye opening thing to do. I really feel like I have opened up and accepted things that were so deep routed I didn’t even see them until recently.
My question to you is. What would you say to money? Do you love money? Do you appreciate it? Do you hate it? Do you lack it? Do you hoard it? Do you blow it? What ever your relationship with money, you can change it. Just like me.
Since I started this journey my business has gone through two rebrands – each time upping my game and my prices and getting a little bit easier with each new hurdle as I settle into owning my power.
I was told by a past client that I was selfish to change my prices. I should remember where I came from. Starting out in my spare room working around a new baby.
To that and any other nay sayers I proclaim –
“I will never stop growing, changing, progressing and charging my worth. I will not dim my light. I will work with passion and love and build people up, keep enhancing my skills so I can give even better work to my clients, as that’s what its all about for me. Giving back.”
The more money I have, the more I have to give.
Time, knowledge, love, training, memories, moments, kick ass art work for my clients walls and most importantly, I get to be there for my daughter, never missing her school events, her parties, her after school activities. I am completely blessed to be able to watch her grow and not miss out on all of these things because I am working for minimum wage in a job I hate.
Thank you money. Thank you Universe.
All the love
Jen xx