Ok, so Mr. ThiscouldbetheONE has shown himself to be yet another Mr. Almost… Almost what you’re looking for, almost ready to commit, almost has his shit together, almost perfect but not quite there…. Almost. Ugh.
Cue something along the lines of:
‘Well that was a waste of time.’
‘I wish I knew he wasn’t it before burning so much energy on this.’
‘Again?! It’s never going to happen is it?!’
I hear it all the time. From friends, clients, even from a past iteration of myself! In situations when our quest for love doesn’t end in happily ever after, it can be easy for us to relate to the time we spent with someone as a failure.
No forever = no next chapter = no progress… Right?
Since we’re in pain, it makes sense, sure… Just because it makes sense doesn’t make it true though.
Regardless of what may be going on in our lives, it is our responsibility as adults to bring ourselves back to center and back to the land of possibility. This is, after all, the key to powerful manifestation. To do that, we must empower ourselves with our thinking.
What would happen if we challenged ourselves to step out of the aforementioned fatalistic mindset and we decided to think more productively? If we learned to see these ‘almost’ relationships as integral parts of a multi destination journey rather than wrong turns away from where we want to go?
Cause honey, just because it isn’t him this time, doesn’t mean he’s not coming and that you can’t learn a thing or two from this one.
In fact, there are tangible benefits to dating a Mr. Almost that actually make it easier for you to manifest your life partner! Mr. Almosts provide us with an invaluable opportunity to look under our own hoods and ensure that what we find is what we want to be there so we can magnetize the right person.
Think about it, unless we’re fully self-actualized beings, there is usually a gap between how we perceive ourselves and how we actually show up in the world. In this case, Mr. Almost is a gift because he can facilitate a rare peak into our subconscious and show us at the very least the following three things about ourselves:
1) How embodied we are:
We oftentimes talk about the importance of self-care, personal inquiry, and ‘me time’. While it’s true that ‘me time’ is crucial for our growth, the real goodness of taking that time to begin with comes when we actually honor what we’ve learned during that period with our actions when we leave that ‘me’ space and engage in relationship. THAT’S what’s important.
How integrated in your daily actions are the lessons that you’ve learned? For example, is loving yourself a thing that only happens when you’re alone? Do you uphold your boundaries and take a stance for your truth and worth as a person regardless of who you’re facing or do you fall into a pattern of putting your needs on the back burner as soon as the prospect love is on the table? Are you making time for the people and things that you say matter to you even though you have a sexy man wanting to cook you dinner?
In this way, Mr. Almost provides an opportunity for you to take a moment to appreciate where you really stand in your commitment to yourself, to love, and to life. What a gift!
2) Potential Areas for Growth:
It has been said that we are a mirror of the people who come into our lives because our vibration is our most magnetizing force.
We attract what we are, not what we say we want. In the best of cases, if we happen to be in a place where we’re comfortable with ourselves, we create a space where we allow others to embrace themselves too. We also set the tone for the interaction and we create a precedent for how we want to be treated by being accepting of ourselves and by speaking our truth.
The ease or lack thereof that you find in a relationship has undeniable ties to the ease you find within yourself. Knowing this, the people in our lives can become some of our greatest teachers. What if you looked at the things that bothered you about Mr. Almost and rather than judging him for them you did the exercise of looking to see where/how those things are/were alive in you and how to shift them or your perspective? Triggers are valuable gateways to understanding. It’s up to us to do the work though.
3) Who is Doing the Choosing:
Just like considering what we didn’t like about Mr. Almost can prove to be a productive enterprise, (as long as we’re being mindful to to bring the focus back to ourselves) a valuable question to ask is what it was that made him attractive to us in the first place. Did we like them because they appealed to our insecurities and we sought validation by being ‘chosen’ by an elusive target? …Or were we attracted to them because in them we can see the best we know is in us? Did they spark the interest of our higher selves or were we allowing our inner wounded children to do the choosing in their constant seeking of validation?
Creating a coherence between how we act, think, and feel is crucial for our well being. What if all your Mr. Almosts instead of failures have been incredible allies on your journey not just towards romantic love but also your love of self? What if every ‘no’ before your ‘yes’ is actually a stepping stone or an opportunity for you to practice staying true and saying ‘yes’ to yourself?
With that said, I propose to you the following…
Let’s honor ourselves and where we are. Let’s all get to a point where we all feel beautiful, strong, and worthy enough to attract (wo)men who will see us in all our glory and celebrate that and honor us. Let’s be brave enough to lose the bullshit narratives about how all men are assholes and let’s allow ourselves to explore potential partners as the works in progress that we all are as humans. Let’s give ourselves the chance for real love. Let’s give ourselves the luxury of not settling in a world that makes it so easy for us to do so.
We’re all still trying to figure things out but all need to remember that we’re all worth the investment of time, we’re worth being courted, we’re worth the connections we seek.
So with that I encourage you to take some time today to look in the mirror and to take a minute to love yourself… Because you’re beautiful. And you’re magnificent. And you are a woman. And for that alone we should all take pause once in a while and just celebrate. Thank you for being you.
*We are using Mr. Almost in this case but it can also be Ms. Almost