Community//

It’s a Mixed Bag

Feelings During a Pandemic

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We’re now two and half weeks into our social distancing efforts, thanks to the coronavirus. All of us are beginning to settle uncomfortably into the unknown, anxiety crooning the background vocals to our daily lives. When will we contain this virus? Are our loved ones okay? How will we survive financially? When can we plan our lives again?

Living in stagnancy has oscillated between eerie and welcomed in my household. I’ve only recently stopped habitually thinking about what needs to be done next to stay on track before remembering that the answer is nothing. There’s no track right now. The only goals are to stay healthy and sane everyday. Wash, rinse, and repeat for the foreseeable future. It’s a challenge, and yet a relief at the same time, so it’s no surprise that my feelings are all over the map on this one.

I’m grateful for the simplicity of life right now.

I’m angry that just when I felt like I was making headway in my business, the pandemic stuck a pin in it.

I feel closer to my family.

I’m scared that we won’t be able to pay our bills.

I feel motivated to crush my day.

I don’t feel motivated at all.

I want to give my body the nutrition it needs.

I crave sugar and alcohol more than ever.

I feel bored.

I feel creative.

I feel connected.

I feel stifled by togetherness.

I feel the need to know what’s going on in the world.

I feel annoyed by the constant bombardment of information everywhere I turn.

I want to go out.

I want to turn inward.

I’m restless.

I’m tired.

I feel guilty for feeling anything but gratitude when people are experiencing real problems like death, hunger, fear of going in to their jobs, or financial ruin.

I feel myself rising to the challenge.

I feel like I’m not doing enough.

I feel hope.

I don’t think there’s a wrong or right way to feel in our current situation. Even if there were, it’s apparent we wouldn’t be able to stay in that feeling for its duration. It’s okay. The only thing we can do is be honest with ourselves and each other about the weight of this. Knowing we aren’t alone in our experience is what’s keeping the world going and giving us hope. It’s what will eventually bring the rainbow after the storm. So put away the Pinterest distractions and the busy work and instead surrender to your feelings around this. Write about it. Process it. Sure, it’s important to take a rest every once in awhile, too. But we’re all on the rollercoaster, whether we’re willing to admit it or not. We’ve got to hunker down, buckle up, and ride it together with as much grace as possible.

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