Do we introverts need to have “confidence first” in order to “make things happen” in our business?
This is the feedback I received that prompted this post: “Thank you, Summer, for taking time to talk with me today. I was able to glean fresh ideas from our conversation. Now I need to garner the confidence to make it happen!”
My response to the introverted woman who wrote to me was: “I like to adopt the mindset of coming from love and coziness, and letting the extroverts have their confidence (which comes more naturally for them).”
That might seem like a provocative response, but it’s based on brain science. When I hear introverts say they’re struggling with “confidence building,” I’m hearing them say they think they need to harness the adrenaline-fueled “action” response of the extrovert brain’s home base, the sympathetic nervous system.
Although everyone is using both aspects of their nervous system all the time, as an introvert, you operate optimally when you’re primarily in “rest & digest” parasympathetic nervous system mode. This is your home state: the place where you do your best thinking and communicating. In this state, you can be your authentic, fully expressed self.
If you try to force yourself to operate from extroverts’ home base, you’ll probably feel resistance to moving forward. You might even get triggered with paralyzing anxiety.
We do need to take action, however; but no, we don’t need “confidence” in order to move forward. There’s a better, more brain-friendly way for introverts.
Here’s how to move forward from your “rest & digest” home base, without first acquiring “confidence”:
- Adopt the mindset of coming from love and coziness.
- Instead of worrying about confidence, use Love as your fuel: love for your services or products and love for the people who are praying for the solutions you offer.
- And love for yourself such that you give yourself permission to find “cozy” ways to show up, so you’ll love the ways you’re choosing to show up. This includes using tools you’re already comfortable with or can easily learn.
- Identify what actions are inside your Comfort Zone and strategize ways to capitalize on them in making your forward movements.
- Feel the creative enthusiasm that results when you give yourself permission to move forward in these ways. That enthusiasm is your “go” energy!
Moving forward creates its own momentum, and you’ll continue to learn and grow – and gain in confidence by doing so. In other words, your confidence will develop as you move forward.
The next thing I saw on Facebook from this same woman was a live video – her very first one! – demonstrating one of her products – from her cozy kitchen, with a relative she’s comfortable with. And she rocked it! Using her strong teaching and demo skills, she came across like a friendly neighbor who’d welcomed us to come in through the back door for a cozy chat in her kitchen. Even when something went a bit awry, she handled it in a relaxed way, like she would with a friend in her kitchen. It was charming!
And that’s what “confidence” can look like for introverted business owners. It’s showing up to the world with LOVE.
So, my fellow introverts, use your strengths, figure out “cozy” inside-your-Comfort-Zone ways to show up, and come from Love.
This is all part of The Tortoise Way™ I stand for.
Let me know how you can apply this in your own “showing up.” Reach out to me if you’d like a quick chat about your situation.