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I took charge of my mindset

Turn it around because you have the power of choice

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I was told I had slim chances of a having a child after my laparoscopy surgery on 25th October, 2012 at the plane tree centre (the ward I was admitted) at the Whipps Cross University Hospital, London. Prior to that, I had miscarriages, gone through series of medical  tests, including a failed procedure (that was when it was discovered something was wrong).

A lot happened before the surgery, I didn’t know God was preparing me for the unforeseen news that I would hear thereafter. When the surgery was over, an elderly female Asian doctor calmly told me I may never conceive naturally and I will need help in form of an IVF. She assured me the NHS will pay and my case was taken as a priority but it will be a 50/50 chance. It may work, it may not work, the situation was a bit critical, and at that moment I felt the world collapsing on my head.  For two days, it was difficult to take it in, several thoughts ran through my mind (I got married on 20th September 2008, then receiving this sort of news in 2012, yet with no child weakened me). I asked myself, why me? I lived a decent life, what could be the problem?  Then the process prior to an IVF started, including a recommended gym so I could fit into the body mass Index (BMI), meanwhile I was a size 14.

This thought of childlessness started affecting my job. As an accountant, every single entry, figure, calculation etc meant a lot. I was a team leader, I had target at work, my job was very demanding. My stress level increased and I began making several costly mistakes, all my thoughts were ‘you can NEVER have a child’

This continued until it was glaring to my employer that something was wrong. By now, management had concluded my job had to be terminated. Physically, I became a shadow of myself, I was emotionally and psychologically affected as I was always crying. The few times I summoned courage to pray, I didn’t believe in my own prayers again. Things went from bad to worse.

One day, my employer called me and asked what the problem was, as I may end up making a mistake that could put the accounting firm in a big problem or possibly send my employer to jail if care was not taken. As I opened my mouth to talk, tears filled his table and he passed me some wipes to clean my face but allowed me to cry out my pains. When I was satisfied, he told me that management had decided to terminate my job as I was no longer efficient. However, hearing my story, they will get back to me in 24 hours, so I went back to my seat.

The following day I was given a letter of suspension for two weeks, and was told that being the best staff with excellent delivery at work, I was being given another chance as it had been seen that I was going through a difficult period. I was told I was free to come back after the two weeks but I have to promise that I will revert back to that loyal, excellent and loved person by staff and clients. However, I was also free to stop the job if I couldn’t cope again, the choice was mine.

 
While at home, I reflected on how best to be happy, fulfilled, valuable and become a better person in my job and life generally. I decided my mind wasn’t going to be vacuum for sad thoughts again, whether I ended up having a child or not. I deliberately engaged in a lot of activities, which has become a lifestyle for me. This led to my promotion at work after I went back as a new ‘me’ emerged. I became transformed, my customer service skills enhanced greatly and I was made to handle difficult clients.  I took the bull by the horn and told myself, ‘a child should not and will not determine my happiness and peace’.


Miraculously, I didn’t go through any IVF again, God intervened when I least expected it, after I had completely forgotten about the issue of having no child. How God came through and surprised my consultant was unbelievable. I found out I was pregnant in 2013, and I gave birth on 12th March 2014, in my 6th year of marriage. I was only praying, and living a happy life, with no worries. God gave me a model, a naturally talented drummer and an actor as a son. Never let that result or negative situation rip you of your peace.



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