I struggle sometimes with feeling like I am enough.
Maybe it could be when I send out a text on my phone and I don’t get a response right away. I have abandonment issues and this kind of feeds my insecurities.
I want to feel like I am deserving of love but I get in these ruts every now and then.
I struggle sometimes with thinking too much. I tend to over analyze and overthink things to the point where I start seeing “ghosts”--or things that don’t exist, just solely in my head.
Why do I try to read people’s minds?
Why do I try to even attempt to think about what other people are thinking if I cannot read minds?
I tell people I am doing alright. Hell! --I tell myself that I am doing alright, but I am uncertain if I am being completely honest.
I am extremely blessed but I struggle sometimes with not realizing it. I have a great family, relatively great health and some awesome friends but why does it not feel like it is enough? Am I greedy? Why do I always feel like I can be doing more?
I feel like I am a sidewalk with a hole in it. I wish I could just hire a paving company to fill the hold forever but I know I have to figure it out on my own. Figure out why I feel like there is something missing when in reality I have more than enough.
It feels like there are some holes in my life when in reality, they are not as big as I think they are. “A mountain out a molehill”. It just feels so big in my own head.
I wish there was a magic wand or fairy dust that I could sprinkle over my head and all my doubts would disappear. Or maybe just teleport me to a time where I feel so complete. A time where I do not feel like I need anything else.
I’ve been in therapy. I’ve seen a therapist for a year. Therapy has taught me the skills to overcome the self-critic inside myself but sometimes, it creeps up again and I struggle to fend off my thoughts. I would recommend therapy to just about anybody.
Maybe I am not alone after all. Maybe there are other people that struggle with the same insecurities and thoughts. It is why I like walking. Walking feels like meditation. It gives me a chance to refocus and think about what is important in my life and what I am focusing my attention on.
Maybe I should go on a walk right now. Just writing this is therapeutic in its own way. Getting these thoughts out of my head and onto paper. I guess what I want to pass along to everyone is that I am confused and befuddled now but I know that in the end, I will figure it out. I am optimistic that this feeling will pass like all my other feelings and life will go on.
I struggle sometimes....but I know that in the end.. I will be alright.