Mother’s Day has always been a conflicting day for me. To be honest, I have a love/hate relationship with it.
On one hand, I love it because I get to celebrate my mother. On the other hand, I despise it because it reminds me of the fact that I don’t have children. Not because I can’t have them, but because of the looks I get when I tell people I’m not sure that I want them.
You know that phrase “if only looks could kill?” Well, let’s just say I’d be on my millionth lifetime right now if that were true.
As a woman in her mid-thirties, I often hear “you’re not getting any older!” Or “it must be nice to have two incomes and no kids.” My response to that is “yes, it’s pretty nice, and we chose to live this way as a couple. In what way does me not having kids impact you?”
And it’s not the fact that I’m being asked the question that irks me. I’m pretty open. But, the condescending tone behind the fact that I choose to take care of me before I decide to have children – that I could do without.
So no, I don’t know if I want to have kids. But, here’s what I know.
I have a wicked strong maternal instinct. I love my family, friends, and clients. I’m a total momma bear. In other words, don’t mess with my peeps, and don’t mess with my dogs!
I’m also a psychotherapist, healer, and coach. I hold space for many to heal and grow. In fact, I mother many. I’m constantly nurturing and mentoring.
Not being sure on whether I wanted to have kids used to make me feel like I wasn’t woman enough based on the responses I would get. It made me feel like something was wrong with me too.
There’s so much shame in being real about how you feel when it comes to having kids as a woman – whether you’re around women who have them, women who can’t have them, or those who feel you need to have them to conform to society’s norms.
This dark cloud of shame has to dissipate and here’s how we can begin that process.
Release your judgments. Don’t place them on others. The “right way” to live life doesn’t exist. Recognize that your choices don’t have to be someone else’s. Each one of us gets to decide how we want to live.
Embrace others for having a different opinion than you. It’s what makes this world a brilliant one. Can you imagine a world where the only flavor was vanilla? No, thank you!
Lastly, if someone’s decision regarding how they live life upsets you in any way, you may have some work to do around that. It’s not about them but about you.
I’m glad I snapped myself out of the twilight zone and didn’t conform just to make others happy. Instead, I listened to the calling of my soul and owned my feelings around it all.
Just because I’m in my thirties doesn’t mean I have to have kids to make others feel comfortable. I’m not too old, too masculine, or not woman enough. I’m not selfish. In fact, I’m incredibly giving and nurturing. And if I have them one day, I’ll be making sure that they get to make choices based on their own inner calling.
To the woman who’s reading this and feeling the same way…
Just because you don’t have kids or don’t want them doesn’t mean you’re bad or wrong. It doesn’t mean you’re not good enough. And it definitely doesn’t mean you’re selfish.
You’re beautiful in every way. You’re a source of life to the world. And how you choose to live your life doesn’t define your character. You may have been a mother to many in previous lifetimes, and maybe in this lifetime, you’re meant to mother thousands.
It’s time to recognize the magic that exists within you so that you give life to whatever you choose to without shame.
I see you.