How to Remain in Your Power

In a Relationship

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If you are a heart centered person or an empath, you will definitely have handed your power to someone many times in a relationship and then nursed a broken heart. In this age of networking, social and virtual, it is very easy to make friends and forge new relationships. What is not easy is to remain in your loving self, serve the relationship deeply and yet centered in your own power. Am I talking contradictory? No I am not, we have many relationships in our life where we unconsciously exercise this, yet since we are unaware we do not extend it to all our relations. It is important to remain in awareness cause that my friend becomes a game changer.

As a life coach I meet many people and obviously I am in this profession and love to serve since I am a sensitive person. This sensitivity that gives me an edge to understand people better, at times becomes the cause of my heart ache too. It is easier to set up these boundaries where professional engagement is concerned as compared to personal ones. My mentor coach once remarked to me when I had been particularly disturbed post a deep listening session. She told me, “Anubha deep listening does not mean deep integration”. This has stayed with me in the professional setup.

It is definitely not important to dance to be “in” the dance. You could choose to be anyone; a musician, a cheerleader or even someone on the fringes. The important thing is that at the end of the day, you would have enjoyed the dance and not depleted yourself energetically or emotionally.

In the personal realm, however, post a recent heart break of sorts I realized that I extended myself, stretched my boundaries, opened windows and allowed overstepping only to realize it causes nothing but heart aches, shift of my power to the other and eventually an energetic withdrawal by one or the other.

I also understand that as humans we have been both the giver as well as the receiver of hurt and pain. And its OK. A relationship where you open your heart, you are vulnerable and the energy of pain is inherent.

However, as I understand it today, what really helps is to ‘Set the Intention’ in your own heart space as to how much you can dip into your own reservoirs and offer loving compassion to the other. You cannot deplete yourself; that in any case is a death knell. Setting an intention with full awareness of what you can or cannot offer, helps in setting boundaries and the context/tone of the relationship.

Boundaries as I see them are not walls, and as relationships they are dynamic too. It is not a ceiling or a cap, and can be set and reset as many number of times as you keep moving on in the dance of this relationship. Dancing in the moment and adjusting your step with your partners, whether it is going deeper and higher or withdrawal of the energies. It is in this that the fun of the relationship is best enjoyed. Also I would love to finish this by quoting, that “your wound is probably not your fault. And your healing is Your Responsibility”. 

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