This question has taken me about 3 weeks to manifest the answer. This year has left me feeling ungratefully grateful. This year has forced me to grow, learn, be still within myself, and expand beyond the boundaries of comfortability I had spent so many years cultivating and defending. I have had to learn how to breathe through the birthing pains of self-expansion. I am not sure I was in any way ready for any of this, however I needed all of it in order to create the life that I had been desiring for years and years.
As I prepare today for the upcoming year, (hopefully will be much better than 2020), I have been reflecting on all of the transitions that have taken place since Covid became a full blown pandemic in March of this year. Life still goes on but everyone has transitioned into a different function within their life, work, school, relationships, religious and spiritual practices. Everyday life somehow must continue. The catch phrase of the year is “the new normal.” I aspire to change that. I am “transitioning into transformation.”
This year the word “transition” has been uttered in a way that makes it seem as if we are holding our breath, reluctant to make it happen. We were hoping some great miracle would come along to save us from making what appears to be almost painfully impossible. We, however, made it through one of the most transformative years of our lives. This year forced me to stop and reflect about what habits and mindsets I did not want to carry into my new life and my own personal new year. During the 4 months of unemployment, I had the opportunity to take free self-investment classes that otherwise I would not have had the time for and I came to realize a few things about myself. My jeans don’t fit the same now, I spend way too much time on social media, I carry a lot of mom guilt, and I think that I have to create a life and business in the same way that everyone else has. These are terrible mindsets to have if you’re seeking to do something innovative. Innovation does not copy off of the other student’s paper, it creates it’s own.
The two problems with having nothing to do during unemployment are: `1) you do nothing or, 2) you try to do it like everyone else. The problem with option one is obvious. You get nothing done and never create the change in your life that you really want. The problem with the second option is that it does not take into account the uniqueness of your life and the people in it. If you are a single mom like I am, it is very hard to tell women like me to quit my job and “just go for it.” Creating a life in the same way as others have done does not work for me and probably will not always work for others. So how do you still create the life you want and have it all?
I decided to create a third option for myself and other women, moms or mompreneurs out there seeking support with life, business and motherhood questions. I am going to do it the mom way. Women have been figuring it out as we go for centuries. What if you could live your motherhood with intent and purpose? What if you didn’t have to carry around loads of mom guilt? What if the mom guilt wasn’t even real? What if you could have it all and enjoy the process as well as the results?
Here are three tools to help you get started creating the have-it-all life and success that you want for yourself.
- Stop the mom guilt. I know this is very easy to say and hard to put into action. I want you to take a look at what do you really feel guilty about and why. A lot of times, as women we place this burden on ourselves that we constantly have to be doing things for other people because we are natural nurturers. We also have a tendency to carry around guilt for other people. If we see someone can’t do something for themselves or might be in a bad situation, we carry that with us all day, all night, sometimes all of our lives. I spent years feeling bad that I could not give my kids everything that I wanted to afford financially. Then one day, I had a friend tell me that she was jealous of me because I had taken the time to cultivate relationships with my kids and not overwhelmed their lives with “stuff.”
- This brings me to my next point. Do motherhood your way, on your terms and conditions. Essentially, I want you to put on blinders to what others are doing and focus on what you do well as a mom. You cannot be an expert in other people’s lives, just yours. We spend too much time as women, and mothers comparing ourselves to others. Other women spend their time comparing themselves to us. You are where someone else wants to be. It sounds to cliche to say “be where you are.” or “Be present.” Oftentimes we treat motherhood as a constant series of fires we have to put out. What if we made the commitment to live with the same level of self-esteem we tell our daughters to carry? Kids do what you do and not what you say. Let’s do motherhood with confidence and commitment to be kind to ourselves.
- Sometimes saying yes to ourselves is saying “ I can’t’ do that at this time” to others. You will feel guilty in the beginning. That is ok. Practice saying it so that you are ready to say it the next time you get asked to do something you don’t want to do. You will fall in love with the feeling of not dreading going to an event you don’t want to, or not taking on a task you know doesn’t bring you joy. You will love, love, love that feeling. Just make sure that the things you take on outside of your regular life bring additional joy or meaning to the things you and your family already do. It’s one of the best commitments you will ever make to yourself.
To help yourself prepare for the changes you desire to make in 2021, please click the link below to download my free fillable PDF budget to begin planning your financial success. I wish you all the success you desire in your life!