It had happened one too many times before and this time I was prepared. Mechanically moving, I put into action the drills I had run through my head, just-in-case. The drills that would protect my family and me, just-in-case. The drills that meant this-is-the-end-of-my-marriage, just-in-case. The entire day seemed surreal and I didn’t think I would ever recover. Yet I did, somehow, through forgiveness.
It’s a funny thing, forgiveness. As a believer and woman of faith, I understood this concept logically. However, when it came to personal and practical application, my understanding was more of confusion and convolution. How was I supposed to forgive a repeat offender? How was I supposed to forgive someone who, I felt at the time, ripped our family’s life apart?
Release him to God. Can I have a disclaimer here and state that this is most likely the hardest thing you will ever do! However, the sooner you can release him to God, the sooner you can begin to heal and recover. What this looks like is you working on becoming the best version of you and taking your focus off of him and how he wronged you. This step will most likely require therapy or, if that’s not doable, full immersion into self-help and self-restoration books, groups, and forums. And lots and lots of prayer.
See him through the eyes of Jesus. What would Jesus do? Would he slander and libel and hold grudges? Would he think of ways to retaliate? Would he stop his own life’s mission from moving forward? Or instead would he love, seeing past the behaviors and into the heart and soul of the person? It’s easy to sling around the sayings that ‘love conquers all’, or ‘love God and love people’, yet it’s a whole different ball game to actually put these into practice. Sister, this one is gonna take some time and some deep personal soul-searching, yet I believe that with practice, and over time, you will prevail and you will love as Jesus loves.
Forgive him and forgive yourself. In order to start rebuilding and designing a meaningful life after divorce, forgiving him and forgiving yourself is essential. Holding onto anger and bitterness and resentment will cause you to stay stuck in a life that no longer exists. And why would you want anyone or anything to have that kind of hold on you? Maybe you are the primary reason the marriage fell apart. Maybe you aren’t. Either way, you have a choice. You can spend the rest of your life beating him or yourself up, or you can turn the mess into a message, your lesson into a life, and start a movement so that others may benefit, beginning with your own family.
You see, you really can design a meaningful life after divorce. You simply have to choose to do so. And forgive. To get free weekly life tips, tools, workshops and more, become a PJ Insider today.