Welcome to tool # 6, the success tools series to Transform Stress, Fear, and Illness.
Today’s tool, “How To Become a Fear Slayer”, basically means-examining what benefit you’re getting from staying where you are and uncovering what it is you REALLY want.
Are you feeling like so many of the women I talk to who tell me they want to create health and build a life with purpose…but are afraid of how their life will change?
You can acknowledge that you don’t want to continue living with the physical symptoms and lack of fulfillment in your life.
The discomfort is real! You’ve tried to figure out a plan of action. You’ve got a few ideas circling in your mind. And you’ve got a vison, albeit cloudy, of a different way of living and being.
But…you’re frozen. You’re stuck. You’re frustrated.
And you’re tired of it.
Understanding what’s causing the fear loop allows you to unpack it, create a new identity for your self and stop engaging in the fears.
You’re feeling disappointed with yourself because doubt and fear eventually end up running your life. Nothing seems to change. And now you’re worried about your health too.
You’re experiencing one of the many early symptoms of a stress related illness…anxiety, depression, insomnia, migraines, vertigo, chronic fatigue, chronic and acute pain, sciatica, or digestive disorders have been creeping their way into to your body and life.
In the fleeting moments of truth, you know that the physical symptoms are related to the fear that’s keeping you paralyzed in old patterns and beliefs.
You admit to yourself that you’re terrified of unpacking it all. You don’t want to give up. You know if you don’t get at this fear, you’ll end up living half a life. You want MORE. There’s a glimmer of, “I deserve this.”
And then there’s the other, louder voice that says, “Who do you think you are? You can’t do it. You don’t know how. If you could you would have done it already.” And so you give up and tell yourself it wasn’t that important.
And it feel like you’ve resolved it once and for all…until the emotions well up in your body and your brain starts to circle the wagons again.
What’s it going to take? You wonder? When is there going to be a real solution to the merry-go-round of fear and ambivalence?
I’m glad you asked!
In order to slay your fears and start to create health, purpose, and fulfillment you’ve got to create an environment of curiosity. And what I mean by that is become a detective. And ask yourself some probing questions to help you “unpack” what’s really going on.
At the core of the fear is the truth. You’re getting something out of it. So ask yourself, What benefit am I receiving from this?
Let’s say you can’t stand your job and you want to quit and start a new work from home blogging business. You’ve been thinking about it for nearly five years. But here you are still at your job. It’s a toxic work environment and you feel like a slave but you can’t seem to leave because you tell yourself your really like and need the money.
I get it. We all have bills to pay. But honestly, there’s more to it than that.
With the intention of being curious about this situation you might ask yourself–what am I getting out of this, by not leaving my job? And the answers might include:
- I don’t have to learn a new skill set
- I won’t feel dumb or stupid having to learn a new skill set
- I don’t have to challenge myself, so I don’t have to grow and if I don’t grow I don’t have to risk failing.
- If I failed I would disappoint my family, husband, parents, friends. I will avoid embarrassment and judgement. I’d rather just go with the flow
- I’m not sure my husband is willing to support my dreams or he’ll think they’re stupid ideas. I don’t want to find out if he is really willing to help me live my dreams.
- I’ll have to create new boundaries with my friends and family around my time management and I’m afraid they won’t support me. I’m afraid I’ll lose some of my friends.
Okay you get the idea? Being curious about the situation brings big questions and even more fears to the forefront. But that’s the good news. Because you get more information. Keep digging. Keep asking.
It may be that the real fear is that you’re afraid to ask for help, afraid to ask for support. It may be that we’ve never had good boundaries and we’re afraid to set and maintain them now, after all these years without them.
Leaving your job to build a dream may mean that you have to ask your husband to contribute more to household chores while you take courses online. You may have to make new agreements and you’re afraid you won’t be supported and it could cause the end of an already rocky marriage.
The truth is you are already feeling, thinking, and experiencing all of these fears and they are ruining your health and keeping you from the fulfillment you desire–so why not unpack them? Think about it. Question it? What’s the point of continuing to experience the fear in your body and mental and emotional anguish?
Wouldn’t it make more rational sense to unpack it all? It may seem just too terrifying to address the issues. But the truth is, you’re already experiencing them every day in your physical body. Why not bring them up and out?
What is it serving to keep them stuffed inside? Be curious.
Your health and life will change profoundly when the pain of staying where you are becomes stronger than your fear of the unknown. That’s when slaying you fears will be easier than you imagined.
The truth is we never know how things are going to turn out. But not owning all of who you are and your deepest desires will always make you sick. You can’t reject a part of yourself and expect to be healthy. Those two opposite energies will never be in alignment.
Next big question: Why am I choosing to have this experience? Remember, you have all the answers you need within.
Avoiding what you really want is crazy, right?
Why would anyone choose that?
Truth bomb…you’re getting something from having the experience. Figure out what you’re getting/avoiding.
There is always a pay off or you wouldn’t do it.
If you are willing to be curious, without putting a lot of pressure on your self to “fix it”, you can now create some space and breathing room to allow yourself to set boundaries and make choices that are in alignment with what you truly desire.
After getting curious and examining her fears this woman might find that what she really wants is support from her husband, family, and friends to start a new business. Once she has done the work of getting curious with her situation, thoughts, fears, and beliefs, she has the ability to create a plan. It’s going to involve asking for support. She may have a belief that she won’t be supported. It could be valid. Or it could be an old worn out program and memory from her childhood when she felt unsupported. Now she knows what’s been holding her back. She’s going to have to ask for support. She’s identified her fear. She can make new choices from this place.
Instead of going round and round in circles. And making herself sick.
How To Know If You Have This Tool:
- You’re willing to be curious with yourself
- You’re willing to challenge your thoughts
- You’re willing to bust up and challenge old beliefs about how “it has to be”
- You willing to find peace and space in discomfort
- You are willing to stretch yourself to see just how great your life can be
- You’re willing to ask for help and support.
How to implement this tool:
- Grab a notebook or journal and start getting curious with your fears
- Ask yourself what you’re getting out of staying where you are
- Break things down into bite-size questions and write it all down
- Getting it out of your head and on to paper creates more room for inner peace
- Next move on to asking and getting clear about your dreams
- What scares you about ‘going for it”? What will change? How can you get support?
- No judgement just start brainstorming and getting it all down on paper.
- Keep going. Be curious about any symptoms relating to your health. Could they be related to mental overload and stress from not facing and moving through your fears.
- Write it all down. No filters. No judgement.
- Create a plan. Who do you need support from? What areas do you need support in?
Breaking through fear is like managing a “big project”, (or eating an elephant.) It seems overwhelming until you break it down into bite-size pieces.
If you want to experience something different you have to DO something different.
Inside the Body Freedom Blueprint my 8 week online coaching experience, I give you the blueprint for how to spark true healing: the 5 part methodology that liberates you from physical dis-ease and helps you to clear out the mental, emotional, and physical debris that is standing between you and the fulfillment you yearn for.