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How to be? A proven checklist for authenticity.

Unravel the threads in your life that no longer serve you.

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I just discovered the voice to text function on my phone. I started to capture some thoughts this way – it was quick, easy and accurate. I thought ‘wow’ I could generate all my articles using this feature. And then I sat down to type. I realised that in typing, with the movement of my fingers and the tapping of my nails on the keys that I was joyful.

The focus and rhythm that comes with my thoughts flowing onto the keys and onto the screen is my authentic self in action. I’ve typed in flow for years, first it was writing songs, then articles, writing a PhD thesis and then capturing ideas into my first book. Whatever it is that I would write would be this same method of being in a space of my true self, asking a question, and then letting the words flow. 

This way of being, in flow, in authentic self, is accessible to all of us, all the time. And so today as my fingers caress the keys, I ask the question ‘how to be?’

It seems like such a silly question. How. To. Be. We don’t ask to be born, we arrive, and all of a sudden we are being. We are not conscious of how we are being and we learn so much from the world around us. We have trials along the way and we learn what we like and don’t like. But at our core we are absorbing all the threads that form the fabric of our lives. As those threads are woven together we ‘learn’ a bunch of behaviours that take us outside of ourselves and can shred our authenticity. 

At different points in our lives we are more susceptible to this shredding of our authenticity. Perhaps it is through a relationship, or for some it starts early with the family home or through youthful experiences that chip away at the space for authentic self to flourish. 

Whatever your journey has been, it is always an option to unravel the fabric and follow the threads back to your true self. ‘Yes, but that sounds so difficult’ you say, and ‘hours upon hours spent on a couch with a therapist!’ You promised a checklist – that made it sound really easy!’ And it is.

The checklist is so simple, it is not even a checklist of things to do or actions to take to find your truest self. It is a process to unravel the threads. You can run this checklist through your mind in minutes! 

The simple checklist is something you can do countless times (this has been a daily way of being for me for many years) to create a space within yourself to courageously tug at the threads that cause discomfort so that a little unravelling back to true self may occur.

Your checklist:

  • Is there a thread that requires your attention?
  • Move into the discomfort to explore it fully and trace the thread back through your life.
  • Let it go, end that thread, and embrace your life and new authentic self without it.  

Steps to take:

Before you start, find a ‘safe’ space where you can be uninterrupted, feel cosy, warm or whatever it is that’s important for you to feel reflective. Celebrate you, spend a moment in joy relishing in some of your finest qualities, successes or joys, bask in their glow.

Firstly, truly reflect on ‘what is not working’ in your life in this moment. It could be that you’re feeling short tempered, or perhaps you aren’t finding deep connection in relationships, or you don’t feel ‘seen’ in your career. Tug at one of those threads a little – move into the discomfort (this is a powerful way to move beyond it). Trace back through your life, when did you start feeling this way? What was happening? Who were you connecting with? Trust the thoughts that are popping up.

Secondly, just acknowledge the thoughts and experiences that you’ve had, recognise that those moments of being make up who you are. Remind your-self that no-one is 100% perfect and gets it right all the time. Be kind to yourself, congratulate yourself for being courageous.

Finally, let it go. The past is the past. If that thread no longer serves you or is no longer aligned to your values or who you are in this moment, simply choose for it to stay in the past. Visually or symbolically in your mind, if it helps you, pull the thread out of your life fabric all together, or go back to the moment where that thread stopped serving you and tie a knot in it to finish the line, you could also use an imaginary flame or some wax to seal off that thread in your life, whatever works for you.

Think about your new authentic self without this baggage? What choices do you make? How do you see yourself, do you stand a little taller, do you feel a little more radiant? What do you do with that radiance, do you paint, sing, laugh, cook, sit in peace with yourself? Do you take a fuller breath? Breathe.

Once you get the hang of this, you can unravel each little pesky thread in 2-3 minutes. It’s a powerful tool to live in flow and you too will know instantly whether every new thing that emerges in this fast paced world (such as using voice to text) keeps you in an authentic way of being or perhaps you had it right for you all along! A joyful life is in the knowing and being of your true authentic self.

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